I HAVE WATCHED WHITE COLLAR.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT IT.

Spoilers foooooor....

Episode 4.11, Family Business )

3a. EL YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT. YOU WIN THIS EPISODE.

Episode 4.12, Brass Tacks )

3a. MOZZIE. NEAR EARTH OBJECTS. YOU WIN THIS EPISODE.

Episode 4.13, Empire City )

3a. MOZZIE YOU LOSE THIS EPISODE and that is hard to do given the poor writing on El. June wins this episode by a LANDSLIDE but even if she didn't YOU WOULD LOSE.

June, baby, darling, let me take you away from all this.

Episode 4.14, Shoot The Moon )

3a. El you did just earn your way out of the Lose Hole you were in. That sautee move. YEAH SAUTEE.

Episode 4.15, The Original )

3a. I had an email about this episode because I TOTALLY CALLED IT when I had Neal say that you have to know who you are before you have something to say as an artist.

Episode 4.16, In The Wind )

3a. Sara, I think you win on "being invaded by men while in your bathrobe." Not to mention your astounding hair. Truly. Astounding.
It's Wednesday night! So I'm only slightly belated with Sam's Three Things About White Collar!

Spoilers for 4.10: Vested Interest )

3a. Nobody mock Jones. Eff all you all rats are not okay when they were not specifically acquired for the purpose of animal companionship.
It's Friday night and I watched White Collar!

Oh show. Sometimes you make me sad.

Spoilers for 4.09, Gloves Off )

3a. Jones unmistakably won this episode. JONES. :D
It's Thursday night, and time for Sam's Three Things About White Collar!

Spoilers for 4.08: Ancient History )

3a. Cowboy Bebop had a whole subplot about a betamax tape. Theirs was, admittedly, more compelling. I think the problem is that the amount I care about Neal's father is roughly equal to the amount I care about the circumference of a basketball. I'm sure it's very relevant to someone, somewhere, but I don't know and don't wish to know.

(Admittedly, I have issues with parents and children and "dead" parents returning -- or not -- to their children, so this could be denial. Stay tuned next week for anger!)
As soon as this week's White Collar aired I had people saying SAM YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS

Then I found out why. IT WAS EVEN BETTER THAN I IMAGINED.

Spoilers for 2.07, Compromising Positions )

3a. AN ENIGMA GAVE A PARADOX A VERY SPECIAL HUG. Oh Mozzie.
I finally got to watch White Collar and Suits!

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT

Spoilers for 2.10, High Noon )

3a. Oh my god stop talking about peeing in peoples' offices.

AND WHITE COLLAR.

NEAL IF YOU NEED TO FIND SAM I AM RIGHT HERE. WE CAN MEET AT THE BEAN. NAME YOUR TIME.

Spoilers for 4.06, Identity Crisis )

3a. Vivian Maier shoutout! YEAH! AHAHAHAHA OH JONES. THOMAS JEFFERSON. How awesome are you, Jones.

Neal, bring Jones with you to the Bean. I want to give him a hug.
OH YES

TIME TO CATCH UP TO THREESOMES A GO GO WHITE COLLAR.

Spoilers for Episodes 4.03 - 4.05 aka This Is Where The Season Arc Is Established. )

And now if you'll excuse me I must dart mysteriously behind a mausoelum.

TRUST SAM!
It's...two days after White Collar aired, that must mean it's time for Sam's Three Things About White Collar!

Spoilers for 4.02, Most Wanted )

3a. At one point I just sat there and thought, I don't know what I think about the rampant facial hair in this episode.
HOLY CRAP IT'S WEDNESDAY

TIME FOR SAM'S THREE THINGS ABOUT WHITE COLLAR NOW WITH 100% LESS NAZI

Spoilers for episode 4.01, Wanted )

3a. ELIZABETH BURKE, FOREVER THE WINNER.
And now, by email for the first time ever, My Mother's Three Things About White Collar.

Spoilers for the season finale )

3a. Love, Mum. PS: Get yr minions to find out the future of Neal.

YOU HEAR THAT MINIONS. My mother demands season four spoilers!

This was actually the whole reason she phoned last night: she wanted to know if I knew what would happen to Neal in S4. I think she was kind of pissed that probably nobody but Jeff Eastin knows that yet. This was our conversation last night:

Mum: Where do you go to find spoilers? Where do you get all this stuff you tell me?
Sam: God, I don't know. At this point they come to me. People send me stuff. I have connections.
Mum: Sam. Are you king of the internet?
Sam: Not yet....

Occasionally, when I'm home for a visit, she'll say something funny and then turn to me and say "Don't tell the internet I said that."
When my mother called me specifically to talk about the White Collar season finale, I figured it was time to watch.

Which means it's time for Sam's Six Things About White Collar!

Spoilers for Episode 2.15: Stealing Home )

3a. The way Neal lights up every time he sees June makes me happy. He's like GRANDMA, YOU BROUGHT COOKIES! Even if she's just standing there looking awesome.

And spoilers for Episode 2.16: Judgment Day )

3a. HOLY SHIT JUNE ELLINGTON. SHE FINALLY FUCKING GETS A LAST NAME. THREE YEARS IN THE MAKING!

For a while 3a was all about Mozzie. Sorry Mozzie! Only not really because you're being an evil little troll, so June gets your spot.
Oh and then I called my mother.

Sam's Mum's Three Things About White Collar )

and of course, a 3a:

Mum: I think the most violent episode of White Collar is the one where they beat on each other with antiques. I like that it's not very violent. It's all intellect! And you want to see what happens next.
Sam: Speaking of violent, I saw Person of Interest this week.
Mum: With superheroes! But I can't watch that before bed, or I have bad dreams, it's too violent. Now, White Collar I can watch before bed. I like that.
THIS WEEK. JESUS.

February is evil, guys. And I have missed like, all my shows.

So I made a resolution that I was going to stay inside all day today and catch up on television. I've already managed to get through Person Of Interest (Superheroes!) and Big Bang Theory (holy shit you guys, Sheldon actually laughed like an ordinary person, I was startled) and this afternoon I might try Doctor Who BUT NOW: WHITE COLLAR.

This morning has restored my faith in television.

Spoilers for 3.14, Pulling Strings. )

3a. JONES, THAT WAS A BIONIC MAN QUOTE. You awesome dork.

I am totally shaping up Exquisite. I've figured out the key. I haven't written anything but one monologue, but I get where it needs to go now, and that one monologue is the whole turnpiece. (It involves Peter being so awesome you guys won't believe it.) THANK GOD.
I am a hot mess this week. A hot mess. You guys should see my kitchen, and my cubicle at work is covered in paper, but by god I got to watch White Collar reasonably on time.

And that's a cue for Three Things! Which are really more like two and a half things because this episode...well.

Spoilers for 3.13: Neighborhood Watch )

3a. My mother loves Elizabeth, so this episode will likely make her very happy, and she will totally do that thing I do where I am all CALLED IT after a show goes my way.

I mean, where do you guys think I learned it from?
I have seen this week's White Collar! It felt like White Collar again!

I'm fickle, I know.

Anyway, it's time for Sam's Three Things Pieces About White Collar. Spoilers for Episode 3.12, Upper West Side Story )

3a. "Well, Neal is more of a romantic, and I'm a machiavellian puppetmaster, so what we're going to be giving you is...game." I JUST ABOUT DIED. Especially since that ended up being the worst game-giving ever.
And now I present to you:

My mother's feelings on White Collar.

I have to go in the other room, sweetie, so I don't spoil dad, he hasn't seen it yet. )

Mum: I am very worried about all this hacking that's been going on, and that site Megaupload got taken down! You used to use that!
Sam: Well, yes, but now you have Torrent, I don't need to send you files anymore.
Mum: Torrent won't go down, will it?
Sam: Probably not.
Mum: I was worried today, I thought, what if the FBI shows up and takes you away? But then I thought, you've seen a lot of White Collar, you know how to beat a lie detector test.
Sam: I'm all over it.

This is the best fannish conversation I have had all week, hands down.
WHITE COLLAR IS BACK

I HAVE THREE THINGS TO SHARE WITH YOU

Spoilers for 2.11, Checkmate )

3a. Well, it looks as though WC will be continuing its long and storied tradition of Not Actually Acknowledging Peter And Neal's Actual Situation. It's not that I think Jeff Eastin couldn't write two people facing up to their issues or even just HAVING THE FEELINGS anyone in their situation would have. I think he could. I just think he won't, and in a way I don't blame him for that, because it's messy and frequently boring and cuts way into "let's pull a fake heist!" time, and I probably wouldn't either. So this isn't a complaint, just an observation.

Still. I'm impressed by Peter's ability to repress, at this point.

Oh White Collar. I cannot quit you. Except for the last ten episodes, I wouldn't even want to. Don't ever do that to me again, baby.
So, it's Tuesday night, I should be asleep, time for Sam's Three Things About White Collar!

Spoilers for 3.10: Countdown )

3a. So that's it for White Collar until January. As much as I love that some American shows are now following a more BBC-based structure, with what essentially amounts to a short season followed by a "hiatus" gap -- and as much as I like that apparently they're better at scheduling things properly than the Beeb, wtf Sherlock in 2012 -- the wait is admittedly frustrating.

And now I have to start writing Exquisite, not that I have a god damned clue how...
So I did eventually get to watch White Collar last night, but it was way too late to do Three Things. This morning I'm going off of lingering impressions, which is just as well.

So it's time for Sam's Three Things About White Collar!

Spoilers for Episode 3.09: On The Fence )

3a. Matt Bomer is something of a hipster, unfairly photogenic, and for all he tends not to take heavy roles has this one face he makes that I call the "I'm going to eat your entrails" face. It got a lot of play in this episode, which I have to admit was kind of awesome.
It's Tuesday night, and past my bedtime, so it must be time for Sam's Three Things About White Collar!

Spoilers for 3.07: Taking Account )

3a. I can't actually talk about the Mozzie plot in this episode without being spoilery but I loved it like delicious cold cereal. So the traditional 3a "Oh, Mozzie" is said with approval.

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