(no subject)

OH, CLASH OF THE TITANS.

WHY MUST I WAIT FOR YOU, SWEET REMAKE?

Don't get me wrong:

1. I know just how it corrupts and destroys the ancient myths it's based on
2. I love the original with all my soul, regardless
3. I don't care that it's a remake, I CAN LOVE BOTH.

I LOVE YOU CLASH OF THE TITANS, YOU AND YOUR AWESOME EXPLODING REMAKE. YOU ARE A STORY OF MY HEART. WITH SWORDS. AND CLAYMATION.

FIND...AND FULFILL...YOUR DESTINY!

(no subject)

I have returned from my ERRAND-TUR, which is not as exciting as an ADVENTUR but more efficient.

I went to the hardware store and bought my DIY Serial Killer kit. Thence to the thrift store to drop off two bags of donations, the grocery store to buy more bread than God and get all annoyed when their CoinStar machine was broken, and finally the library, to drop off The Threesome Handbook (purely research; apparently the guy who plays Castiel on Supernatural, his wife wrote it, incidentally it is lolarious) and flirt with the cute librarian.

And then I came home and collapsed.

But I have lightbulbs, bread, juice, no more thriftstore clothing, nails, oh yeah and a fire extinguisher because this afternoon I am, DUN DUN DUN....frying an entire cornish game hen.

...maybe I should have bought burn cream.

(no subject)

R came over tonight to eat my homemade pizza and watch Wheel, and catch me up on life. This is how it went:

R: I had a really good date last night.
Sam: Yeah? Who is she?
R: She works at Kingston Mines.
Sam: Hmm. You have to stop dating bartenders.
R: No, but she's not like that! She only works part time, she's a student.
Sam: What's she study?
R: Uh, what's the word. It's like. Holtastic?
Sam: Holistic? Like, holistic medicine?
R: Yeah! Herbs and shit. She's a Pagan.

Now, I have nothing at all against Pagans, I have been one in my time, but R usually dates messed-up blues fans who drink too much and have unmannered dogs. I couldn't imagine what he would see in a woman studying holistic medicine as a vocation. It's just not something I can easily grasp. So I'm thinking all this and I was about to ask "So what brought you two together?" in order to find out, and I got as far as inhaling to say it before he said:

R: AND she's a PILATES instructor!

And all was revealed.

Then, unsatisfied with the pizza, we ate all the hamburgers in the greater Chicago area (which I cooked, because I have mastered the hamburger) and watched Notre Dame get their asses kicked by Pittsburgh.

I feel bad for him, he's in a rough spot financially right now, so I'm glad he got a good meal and a little time to unwind. And I discovered that R, who I have always seen as a sort of all-knowing Casanova, thinks he's fucked up about relationships. Which is funny and kind of awful, because this is how he put it:

"I mean, all the guys I know are hound dogs, they see a woman they think is hot and the first thing they think is how they can take her home that night, and I'm just not into it. All mine go badly when I try. I want to, you know, know who she is...I'm really fucked up about sex. I want to have a family, that's fucked up, huh?"

Yeah, R. Wanting to know a little bit about someone before you fuck them is totally weird. Having an emotional connection with a woman before you put it in? Using dating to try and find a life-mate? What the hell is wrong with you?

So I gave him a pep talk about how that's not weird, it's just that he thinks it is because he spends too much time with musicians, and gave him a tupperware container of food, and sent him on his way.

If I could get him a nice girlfriend for Christmas, I would, but they don't sell Positive Relationships at Target. Maybe this Holistic Bartender will turn out better than the fine array of CRAZY PEOPLE he has dated in the past.