(no subject)

I bought ham hocks today. I've never done that before. Until a few days ago I didn't know what ham hocks were for. I'm still not sure what part of the pig they come from. I'm assuming somewhere around the ankles.

For those of you who weren't around last year about this time, I had an allergy test (and an ulcer, all at once!) and it turned out I am allergic to a lot of random things. Melons and basil are my favourites, I think, because I don't eat those anyway.

Turns out the big ones the test said I was allergic to are: Chicken, turkey, peanuts, salmon. Technically it's a "sensitivity" but I have since learned the degrees of "sensitivity" by not eating those foods for a while. Turkey's okay once in a while; I get lethargic, but then who doesn't after eating turkey? Salmon I only eat raw, because I don't like cooked fish, and it's okay too once in a long while, as long as I'm prepared not to spend any time with other people afterward.

Peanuts and chicken are seriously no longer part of my diet, especially because chicken induces misery; my joints hurt, I can't think clearly, and I have no energy. Shouldn't be too hard to avoid, though, right? No General Tso's, no grilled chicken sandwiches...except the big killer is broth. Chicken broth makes rice taste delicious! Chicken soup is my favourite! Chicken broth is used in tomato soup. But I have spent The Year Of Living Chickenless and I know how much healthier I feel. If you read back through my blog, you can see a sharp uptick in my activity levels right around the time I stopped eating chicken.

This is my life, y'all. This is the absurdity of my existence.

Anyway, I really wanted to make stuffing, and it's very hard to find duck boullion that isn't cut with chicken, and beef broth -- man, let me lecture you guys sometime on the amount of chemicals it takes to make beef broth. So I thought, I'll make pork broth. It has to exist.

Pork broth exists in basically two cultures of food: Chinese and Soul. Trying to create a coherent single recipe for pork broth out of those two cultures is an exercise in awesome. But the key ingredient to Soul pork broth is ham hocks, and ham hocks are available at my grocer's, so I bought some ham hocks. I covered them with water, set it to boil, added some garlic, apple, and onion, and now my entire flat smells like the best bacon you've ever eaten in your life.

After I put the hocks in, I made challah dough, which is now rising, and as soon as this ground beef thaws I'm making enchiladas. I AM A ONE MAN FUSION REVOLUTION!

Except for the bits that require chicken.

(no subject)

I've been watching a lot of nature shows lately, and I've discovered you can tell how prudish the producers were or what age the show is aimed at by how they talk about sex.

Some shows are all YEAH! DINOSAURS FUCKIN'! LOOK AT THAT! (and let me tell you, brachiosaur sex doesn't look like any fun at all) while others resort to phrases like "they enter into a celebration of life and plenty."

This one also inadvertently implied that sperm whales and giant squid enjoy some interspecies hanky panky -- "At this time of year, male sperm whales join the pod to mate. They are the world's deepest divers, able to reach up to three thousand kilometers below the surface in search of giant squid."

Eh? You wanna separate those two concepts out with more than a pause while a whale dives majestically across the screen, maybe? Because now all I can think of is that the next time I see a hipster or a steampunk with an image like this on their shirt:

I'm going to look at it in a whole new light.

(no subject)

This is a direct transcript of a text conversation my mum and I just had. Spoiler alert for those of you who have never seen It's A Wonderful Life: there's a scene where George and Mary, our protagonists, are at a school dance. They start doing the Charleston and Mary's date decides to activate the floor mechanism, which pulls back the gym floor to reveal a swimming pool underneath. George doesn't notice he's dancing on the edge of the pool until he and Mary fall in.

Mum: Wonderful Life is on NBC! My favorite scene is coming, where they fall in the pool!
Sam: I like that scene too! Watching now.
Mum: Here it comes!
Sam: Yaaaaay!
Mum: I bet in Chicago there's a school with a pool under the gym floor.
Sam: UofC had a nuclear accelerator under the football stadium...
Mum: That's not nearly as funny to fall into.

I love my family. :D