General Support Log, Week 10

[cblj_backup]

General Support Log
v. 1, week 10


ZOMBIES? Torchwood has a long history of shooting zombies in the FACE!

Monitoring:
Captain Jack Harkness (ask_captainjack)
Senior Agent PC Gwen Cooper and Executive Husband Rhys Williams (gwen_e_cooper, therant_willask)
AWARD WINNING BUTLER Ianto Jones (ask_aboutcoffee)
Senior Junior Agent Doctor Martha Jones (ask_arealdoctor)
Junior Junior Agent Captain John Hart (oh_doask)
Party Crashers T and Andy (timeagency and dontask_pcandy)
HRH Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor and Butler Harold Putnam (inquireof_liz)
Time Lords The Doctor (askfor_bananas) and Jenny (askmydad)
Suzie Fucking Costello again (thedarkisasking)
Myfanwy the Dinosaur, Max the Beagle, and Tomb Raider the cat.

Alien Activity: The Doctor considered a movie night, and after the party he went for a walk in Cardiff. He took a map to trouble with him! But Andy did give him advice about fitting in. The Doctor has a charmingly unique view of the world.

Staff: Gwen and Martha discussed costuming. I was...pleased. Gwen was pleased to be writing fanfiction whilst in a coat and Jack is pleased to shoot anyone who bashes our Gwen. Quite right too. Martha's more hesitant about the coat. Gwen and I talked about nightmares and underachieving and how Jack sometimes improves techno. Leadership is such a burden.

Hart's condom issues appear to be solved and he and Martha practiced nonverbal communication. You could almost call it iconmunication. He also tested Jack's resolve but I am it is steely.

AWARD WINNING BUTLER: On Friday night I went out Weevil hunting and won an award. The Internet as surveyed by Children of Time thinks we are the best (or possibly the favourite!). This was brilliant! I was congratulated by Shannon, The Queen (who disarmed my Weevil), The Doctor, Jenny, and with a limerick. There were awesome nibbles at the party, chocolatinis, cake, and a Patron bong. Hart partied with the classic Who shippers and Martha, harassed Shannon, and presumably had...fun. T and Andy did too. T got to meet everyone and Andy snogged me (and freaked out but, oddly, documented it later. Jack's sorry he missed it!). Some weepy guy in a blue suit crashed the party, Jack and T were very excited by sticks...and then Suzie showed up. AGAIN. Martha mistook her for a Twilight fan and Gwen was just glad to be insignificant but Jack sort of freaked the fuck out. The Doctor agreed that she was Wrong, but she did give us information about Owen. I favoured exorcism.

Lessons learned: Don't get cults mad at you, beware Weevil Fleet Week, my cheekbones are awesome, and the dead never are.

THE MORNING AFTER: I found some strange photos on our camera. Martha rose early and helped us plan Hub Renovation because apparently I'm...moving in. (Help.) She also moved Hart's stuff (Martha, you are up on all your shots, right?). Gwen's morning was a little more difficult. Hart discovered his piercings but cleans up disturbingly well. I definitely did not make waffles.

Allied Organisations: T, stuck in the TARDIS, put on a fashion show for us and Harold displayed the Queen's bathing suit collection. He also fitted Gwen for one and unleashed several bathing suit models on the Plass, which made for a very interesting morning. The civilians were intrigued by what happened to Jack's sporran at the party, but Gwen apparently nicked it so she could nom his flake. Nom his flake hard.

Security: I have some concerns about Hart's planned publicity for his fanfiction. After all...you can't expect Torchwood! Also must look into soundproofing Jack's hole the sounds Gwen claims to hear in the Hub. Martha was worried about what happened to Max and Tomb Raider after the party, possibly with good reason, but I found Max and embraced him the way Gwen embraces her humanity (bouncing involved) or Jack after a game of peek-a-boo. Hart wanted to pet him but Jack said no.

Supplies: Must restock ammo. Gwen does love shooting things. Also yarn, after Martha discovered "knitted dissections" and also knitted breasts. Jack wanted to know how you wear them as slippers, Hart just wants a whole human. That's a lot of yarn!

Still having library book issues. But I think the fairy cakes are flying right under the radar.

Community Outreach: Jack offered lessons in face-shooting and inspired an American Torchwood branch. His poll about how to celebrate our CoT win inspired commemorative coins and craftiness.

I argued with civilians about their treatment of Owen, and my summer fashion post allowed me to correct many basic assumptions, such as "chainmail is sexy", "formal shorts are acceptable" (Jack, looking at you) and "hats are passe". The civilians manipped me. :( Then again, we all agree Bogart is cool. They'd like Jack to tackle female couture, since I don't think I'm Italian enough.

One of our civilians made a book cover for Jack's fanfiction. Thanks. No, really. (Hart was jealous.) Other civilians needed comforting and job advice. I tried matchmaking via icon and explained the way Pride Parades work in Cardiff. Gwen is still "investigating" all of Cardiff's missing persons.

Spoilers and Historical Notes: John Hart was (will be) the Face of Doe. Hahaha. Jack is not my grandfather and if you try to tell me that I'll just retcon myself again. Jack lectured us on futuristic literature.

Personal Notes: Jack and I had a good discussion about life after cybergirlfriends (clean floors means not getting shot!). I am pleased to announce that the Blanket Burrito is catching on, and I have found all 11 of Jack's hidden hoovers. Also he doesn't track his deaths, but I do.

We peppered our conversation with puns this week. And someone sent me champagne, and a bone for Max! Thank you!

Comments

[dvanulya.livejournal.com]

Busy week, and a thorough re-cap. I'm still waiting, btw. If Jack can't make it, we can celebrate without him.

[gwen-e-cooper.livejournal.com]

Yes, you ARE an award-winning butler!

I'm still bursting with pride for you. :o)

And the four cappucinos I've had today.

BLITEOTW!

[thaddeusfavour.livejournal.com]

ZOMBIES! Yay! We need more zombies!

Maybe tomorrow...

[queen-insane.livejournal.com]

Sounds like such a busy and fulfilling week. Thanks ever so for the job advice I cannot wait to start today.

And since I didn't get to say it in the later posts (as I was made aware of them far to late) congratulations on the award. All of you are fabulous.

[ask-captainjack.livejournal.com]

Look at my face of steely intensity! The grim "Getting Down 2 Biznass" look on my face as I blow away zombies! I add glamour to a graveyard, that's for sure.

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

Why is John in a body bag under a table in the greenhouse?

[ask-captainjack.livejournal.com]

Nobody put him there, Martha. Or kicked him in the balls.

Why do you assume somebody assaulted him!?

HE DID IT TO HIMSELF!

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

I didn't assume any such thing, Jack Harkness. Until now!

[ask-captainjack.livejournal.com]

Oh.

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

I thought he was just... you know... indulging himself again. I'd love to know why you think he may have kicked himself in the balls. I wonder, what did he do that made him want to kick himself in the balls?

I do wonder about things like that. :)

[ask-captainjack.livejournal.com]

My memories are sketchy. I remember it going down in slo mo, Martha.

You know how I feel about slo mo. That is to say: I FUCKING LOVE IT.

Here's what I remember:

THUMPING

HOLLERING

DISLODGING OF ME FROM MY COMFY SPOT DRAPED ON IANTO'S COCOON

MORE THUMPING

VOICES!?

A BRIGHT HOT SURGE OF ANGER FROM ME

REACHING FOR THE GUN UNDER MY PILLOW

"NO JACK HE'S NOT WORTH IT!"

THUMPS

SOME SORT OF COMFORTING WORDS ABOUT PANCAKES

A DUVET PULLED UP UNDER MY CHIN

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

Oh, business as usual? That's all right then. :) I thought I might have heard a commotion last night, but I was busy doing my nails monitoring the Rift and couldn't be bothered.

[oh-doask.livejournal.com]

WHY AM I IN A BODY BAG, MARTHA?

I DON'T REMEMBER

No

I do remember

MY BALLS HURT MARTHA!

I'M TIRED MARTHA!!

MAKE ME A COVER FOR MY FAN FICTION MARTHA!

[teaboyfan.livejournal.com]

Another extremely busy and productive week! Your awards party sounds awesome, if hangover-inducing (actually that's a bit redundant). Congratulations again. I also enjoyed the recap of Jack's deeply moving fanfic and its lovely new cover. The next time you don't make heart-shaped waffles with fresh fruit, don't save me one.

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

I don't have any artistic talent close to laurab1's, honey. I wouldn't want you to have a cover that's less than perfect, after all.

Come here and give me a nice snog, and then we'll get you a cup of coffee and a biccy.

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

Ianto's waffles are the best thing I've never eaten!

[oh-doask.livejournal.com]

Ianto stun-gunned me MARTHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOTE MY CONFUSED OUTRAGE!

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

So I've heard! How about, the next time you wake in the night and want company, you play quietly with Bebe and Duckie and Puppet. Or wake me; I'm sure we can find a way to keep you from getting bored until you fall asleep again.

I don't like it when people have to stun-gun you, poor baby. Would you like some comfort now? I believe that's traditional.

[oh-doask.livejournal.com]

DOES THAT MEAN I GET TO SUCKLE ON THE YARN BOOB, MARTHA?!

OR PLAY WORLD OF WARCRAFT! LET ME PLAY WORLD OF WARCRAFT!

I DIDN'T WANT COMPANY! I WANT A FUCKING COVER FOR MY FAN FICTION!

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

Well, if you don't wake me by yelling in my ear, "ARE YOU ASLEEP, MARTHA? TITTY TIME NOW?" you may get the real thing instead of a yarn boob. (You're not the only one who likes Titty Time, you know.)

[gwen-e-cooper.livejournal.com]

Oi! You two put the T in TMI!

Just joking. Used to it. I work HERE. Carry on. :o)

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

Ianto recently made me aware that what I read as "Non Disclosure Clause" in my contract was actually "Full Disclosure Clause". He says it's standard procedure. I'm dubious. Did you have a clause like that?

[bone-lady.livejournal.com]

Wow! Looks like I missed much during my vacation/hiatus/escape to an island! Firstly, CONGRATS to YOU! An award well deserved I may add. Glad to see you all had an awesome party which seems to have been forgotten.

Jack's becoming quite the author too!

Wait? WTF? Suzie!

Bogart kicks ass. No ifs ands or buts.

PS Martha, have you seen the knitted human heart? Awesome isn't it? One of my colleagues has begun to knit them now. I asked for a knitted Treponema pallidum. Thought it would be more warm and cuddly than the real thing, not to mention less infectious.

Glad to see things are well!

[gwen-e-cooper.livejournal.com]

Well, yes.

It's standard here.

It came with the chip.

[ask-arealdoctor.livejournal.com]

A knitted syphilis spirochete? That's ... quite interesting. I haven't seen any knitted human hearts, but I have seen placentae and various genital organs, both internal and external.