(no subject)

As I was sitting outside today, while I was supposed to be ruminating on a new fic I'm working on, one or two things occurred to me.

People have been annoyed at CSI lately, and its slew of spinoffs, because they're teaching people about forensic crimefighting -- saying that criminals are employing techniques used on those shows to hide their crimes better. Which, yes, is true, but they seem to be overlooking the fact that mystery literature has been doing this for over a hundred years. I mean, I'm sure some crook started committing crimes in the rain and scraping up his cigar ash because of Sherlock Holmes and wearing gloves because of Peter Wimsey.

I suppose people think that criminals can't or don't read, so it's only become an issue now that you can absorb it passively through television (because as everyone knows television never stimulates the mind or is ever complex in any way). Which is kind of a point, since the stupid criminals probably don't read much, but the thing is -- stupid criminals tend to get caught anyway. There's a passage in one of Sayers' books about how Peter wants to study crimes that were never classified as crimes because nobody caught the guy; statistically, he claims, his friend Charles-the-cop's numbers are skewed because he only solves a high percentage of the crimes that people know are crimes.

What also gets overlooked is that, as Sayers says (or it might be her dubious "sucessor" because I did read Thrones, Dominations, damn me), murder mysteries are also morality plays. The Bad Guy Gets Caught, thus proving that crime doesn't pay. Except in one or two cases in Holmes and one of Sayers' short stories, but those are aberrations. Yes, in CSI the criminals/victims are disproportionately female, sexually deviant, or some combination of the two, but the point is that committing a crime, in this genre, almost never pays -- and if it does, there will be payback sometime in the future.

Er. Yes. So. That was my thought.

(no subject)

I'd like to briefly illustrate the major talking point at which fanfic and reality diverge:

Scenario: Wilson, having left his wife because she confessed to having an affair, appears on House's doorstep and asks if he can kip on the couch for a few nights. House implies consent by offering him a beer.

Two unattached men, having recently dumped their respective female mates, living together in one flat.

In fanfic:
They snog like bunnies.

In reality:
The smell of unwashed socks alone could kill bunnies.

(no subject)

Sam: So they might fire me tomorrow.
Mum: Were you trying to get fired?

[10 minutes later]

Mum: How are you?
Sam: Oh, I'm okay.
Mum: You're lying, you're miserable.

Gee mum, thanks. That what I needed to hear tonight. I'm a liar who's trying actively to get fired from his first job in eight months. I'm sorry I don't want to talk about my issues but guess what talking about them only bores everyone to death including me.

So, yeah. Fifty-fifty chance I get fired tomorrow for sheer, unmodifiable incompetence. I can't do the job properly. My supervisor says I "probably" won't, if I stopped sucking tonight. So, back to the drawing board.

I know people hate it when I lock comments but I really, really, really don't want to talk about this with other people. I just want to find out if I'm going to be fired tomorrow and either end up having my evenings magically free again or get over the whole thing.