Oct. 1st, 2007

This morning I reported my Social Security Card stolen to the Federal Trade Commission, though they don't actually do anything about it. I have to get my new card from the Social Security office, but I'm going to have to go down there in person because otherwise I have to mail them my passport, which is my only form of ID right now. You can't get a Social Security Card without photo ID, and you can't get photo ID without a social security card; forging a new driver's licence is becoming more appealing by the moment.

The Texas licence replacement webpage interestingly said that "metal Social Security Cards will not be accepted". Why don't they make them metal? It's one of the single most important documents in the life of a US citizen, and it's made out of incredibly cheap rag paper with almost no anti-forgery measures in it at all except a photocopy-proof watermark that I imagine is got round pretty easily by digital photography. Mine was falling apart anyway, and since they made me sign it when I was eleven the signature on the card was totally inaccurate compared to my signature now. We're not even allowed to laminate them.

As long as this country is going to go all Big Brother on us anyway, why not make us pay a few bucks for some federal prisoner somewhere to stamp out a metal card with our name, number, and thumbprint etched on it? That way it's useless to anyone who doesn't have my thumbprint anyway.

My to-do list has shrunk and been replaced by an "information" list; the bills that I've paid, the new phone number for this apartment, the list of shit I have to send to Texas for my new licence, the list of shit I have to send the federal government to get my new cheap-ass Social Security card, and a bunch of confirmation numbers so that if anything gets screwed up I will have proof that it's not my fault.

Except in the grander scheme of "you moved and lost your wallet in the same weekend", which is of course very much my fault.

By the way, since so many of you seemed tickled by the fact that I compared iPhones to the tools of a dystopian future: The top 50 Dystopian Films of all time. I'd love to hear what you guys think about these, especially since I'm not convinced Pleasantville is truly dystopic in the generally-accepted sense of the word. I'm willing to be swayed, though.

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