(no subject)

You know I've had reasonably bad headaches since I was sixteen but only in the past few months have I actually thought one of them might kill me.

If you need me I'll be in bed, doped to the gills on vicodin and drinking vinegar water. Which does, I admit, sound like the punchline to a stand-up routine.

*shifts "find a neurologist" to the top of the to-do list*

(no subject)

Rough morning all round.

I went out to get some toast and found R awake, which is odd for him in the mornings. He told me That Girl had called him at four in the morning, drunk, to bawl him out because they hadn't seen each other since he got back from Vegas. Which, you know, is because they broke up when he got back from Vegas. And, while she was shouting at him, That Dog escaped her yard and ran off, so she hung up and then proceeded to call him another eight or nine times in the next two hours while running around in the dark, drunk, trying to find her dog. R didn't answer her calls, which just goes to show that in the little things he can be trained.

Then she left a voicemail saying she was moving to Arizona in a month, so would he not come to the bar where she works for the next four weeks. It being one of the biggest blues joints in the city, this seems remarkably unlikely.

R asked me where all the sane women were. I told him if he was expecting to find sanity in a blues bar he obviously hasn't seen enough indy films.

(no subject)

R woke me up to tell me that That Girl had found her dog, and also to freak out at me that the bees were disappearing and we were all going to have to hand-pollinate our crops as the Chinese apparently do in the southern Sichuan province.

He's not allowed to watch television anymore.

(no subject)

Hey guys, you know what would make this day complete? A phone call from my estranged fundamentalist brother!

Yeah!

It was a very short conversation.

And then his wife called me and man, I wish I could play you guys the voicemail she left, it is comedy gold. Apparently I'm selfish and unChristian, which goddamn, it took her this long to figure out?

(no subject)

Oh. My. Sweet goddamn.

*falls off the bed laughing*

Mum just called. Now I know why Bernard called me earlier. Ickle boo is in debt and wifey's parents feel they're doing enough just housing and feeding him and shouldn't have to shoulder his financial worries as well. Apparently they think I'm a softer touch than Mum since, after I unceremoniously hung up on him, Mum got an email from the little woman. She called me up and read both the letter and her reply to me over the telephone, which I could have lived without but whatever, since her reply was also pure gold.

We're not a healthy family, my clan, but all this dysfunction has instilled in me the ability to find the humour in everything.