Shh. Butler in the hole.

Hello beautiful people on my butler's livejournal !

This is Captain Jack Harkness throwing to it you live from the hot sexy desk of Ianto B. Jones.



Ianto can't update the Weekly Log today because that GQ motherfucker is still sleeping in his blanket cocoon.

I have to pick up the slack, so I'm doing secretary work this morning! I'm wearing my Business Jacket and Business Jeans. Don't I look like I'm about to fax you something amazing?

For instance, I just answered the phone. Somebody called the Hub. Here's how it went down...

First, I heard it ringing. Then, I picked it up off the cradle. Lastly, I hollered "Captain Jack is busy, jesus christ!" straight into the mouth hole.

I wrote myself a note: "Somebody called the Hub looking for you." I put it in my inbox so that when I'm on break I can snap back into Torchwood Leader Mode and throw out that message. I won't be on break for another 20 minutes. I have a pretty strict boss. LOL.

Now I'm twirling in Ianto's executive chair and fingering his cup of pencils.

I inventoried his stationery. The inventory was "four". He's got four pencils.

Gwen and Martha keep swinging past here and making faces at me. Bitches! They don't know what it's like to slave at a 5-to- midnight office job. I know all about it. I've been a secretary for 37 minutes.

Part of working at an office job is looking at interesting things on the internet and forwarding them to your buddies.

I think this should keep you spell-bound for 3.39 minutes. So much ass was kicked in the opening scene of JCVD that my bottom felt sore just watching this.

J.C.V.D. opening sequence - unbroken tracking shot

Watching bad-ass videos gives me something to do other than fix Ianto's email account. He had everything in virtual "folders" instead of printed in stacks of paper. Once I get all the emails printed and sorted I'm going to grab Gwen's Missing Persons Bingo Dabber and colour-code them. Blue for urgent, red for sexy, yellow for bananas, etc.

By the way, if you're wondering how I was able to update Ianto's livejournal, the answer is: I hacked it.

I tore open the "in the event of my death" envelope he's got in his locker and found his Username / Password post-it note. Toshiko wasn't the only person with computer skills around here.

To sum up kids, you shouldn't mind that the Log won't be posted until saturday. You don't need words to sum up this week. I bet you could sum it up in feelings. Or smells.. or exclamation marks... (!!!)

Yrs helpfully,
Cpt. Jack Harkness

(no subject)

OW MY HEAD. *collapses*

A random headache struck me out of nowhere at lunch today, so I spent the second half of the workday basically nonfunctional. Which is ok, because everyone went home early anyway. But now I am home where there is a soft thing to lie down on. And maybe, later, the possibility of hot stuff to eat.