(no subject)

I think I just gave Coworker Fail a nervous breakdown.

And no, I wasn't trying to. If I was trying to I'd have done it by now. I'm a better person than that.

But I'm not better than LOLing at his hysteria. 'Cause I am. A whole lot.

(no subject)

Okay, let me see if I can coherently explain how I gave Coworker Fail a nervous breakdown. It involves me awesomely NOT having a nervous breakdown, or else I'd just handwave a lot of the technical lingo.

We have two security systems: the building's, which involves a keycard, and our specific office's, which involves a tile we stick onto the keycard. Everyone should have a keycard with a tile on it. But we've been out of tiles for a month, so things have got a little backed up, between new hires and people losing their cards and all the rest.

To further complicate things, the keycards each have a serial number printed on them. The tiles have no serial number, so in our computer system the tiles are registered to a person's name, then listed with that person's keycard's serial number.

Yesterday, BossBoss asked me to sit down with a list of serial numbers from the building, and a list of serial numbers from our tile system, and make them both match up. To do this I also needed a company roster, because sometimes people don't get added or removed in one or both of our systems. Also there are duplicates. It's like Olympic-level cross-referencing.

I medaled in cross-referencing at the Olibrarympics in '05, so I managed this in less than one day. And I put all the results into an Excel spreadsheet, with the name, serial number, and "known issue" of every person who has a known issue.

And then, naturally, I sent two emails: one to the building's security office, to have them make the requested changes in their system (fix this name, delete this record, etc) and one to Coworker Fail, whose job it is to do the same thing in our system.

Coworker Fail replied with what I thought was a CAPSLOCK OF LULZ protestation that I was insane. I went to reply and realised I'd left off one thing he ought to do ("By the way, I have new keycards that need tiles, can you come and get them?")

Three CAPSLOCK EMAILS about this later -- and I still am in the "oh, capslock of lulz" mindset, so I just think he's trying to be funny and not succeeding -- he comes to my desk freaking out that I'm going to report him to BossBoss for flipping his shit. He was seriously terrified that he'd gone off on me and I was going to get him sacked for, I don't know, sending CAPSLOCKS through the intertubes or something.

I assured him multiple times that I hadn't been offended (I did not mention that I thought he was trying to be funny) and promised him I wouldn't mention it to BossBoss. And then he ran away to have a cigarette, which I'm guessing he desperately needed.

I'm going to save one of those emails forever. I've never before received an email with twenty sequential unironic exclamation points.

(no subject)

Okay, I've hit kind of an odd spot with the Nameless signed-copies charity drive, where I have about ten people who are in various states of reply with regards to it, but haven't heard from any of them in a while. I'm not really sure what to do about it -- whether I take them off the list or keep hoping or what.

So, if you signed up for a copy and haven't heard from me, or if you heard from me but haven't replied, please contact me here or at copperbadge at gmail.com, if only to say that you've changed your mind. No hard feelings! I'd just like to tidy up my spreadsheet. If you can't afford one but signed up for one, please let me know. You are not the only one, and I have a running list of people to check in with about finances.

In the meantime, if anyone else is interested in signed copies, please drop a comment here! I won't be in touch over the weekend since my spreadsheet is at work, but I will have all the info you need on Monday.

Signed copies of Nameless are $30, which includes postage to pretty much anywhere (I pay a flat rate, internationally), and all profits go to either the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission or Children Of Uganda, a secular care organisation for children orphaned by AIDS and civil unrest.

To date, signed copy sales have raised $400 for each of these groups, $800 total. Because you guys are stone awesome.

(no subject)

One of my coworkers just walked past with a small palm tree in a pot.

Me: That's a nice potted plant you have there.
Coworker: Thanks! I got it from the 4th floor.
Me: Out of their office, or...?
Coworker: It was in the elevator lobby. I figured nobody wanted it.
Me: Are you sure it wasn't...decorative?
Coworker: Oh. Maybe.

Also, one of the department heads just drunk-dialled me from her 40th birthday party.

What the balls, you guys. There usually isn't this much insanity around here in a week, let alone a single day.

I'm terrified to leave the building in case a METEOR HITS ME or something.

(no subject)

I just sauteed strips of portobello mushroom, cooked a little frying cheese, slapped them both on a ciabatta roll spread with fig jam, and went:

OM NOM NOM NOM.