(no subject)

Good morning! Early morning! I am eating toast. You want some? It's got apple butter!

I don't imagine I'll be able to do this with any regularity, but as I've managed to hit up White Collar early this week it's time for...

Sam's Three Things About White Collar, 2.03: ( Copycat Caffrey )

3a. The art dorkery in this show never fails to make me happy. Never fails. So much art dorkery! As an art dork, I enjoy it.

(no subject)

Dear people of and in Chicago,

I have an issue with our city. It's not the corruption of our local government, or the tourists*, or the fact that if you fall into the river you have to be screened for flesh-eating bacteria.

It's the revolving doors.

That's not a metaphor. I'm talking about the literal revolving doors, doors which revolve. We have a lot of them in Chicago, because it snows here in the winter and revolving doors prevent snow and wind from getting in. We particularly have a lot of them downtown. Perhaps the people I keep encountering who don't grasp the basic techniques of revolving-door use are all from Texas, where they don't have many revolving doors. I don't know. But I have three pieces of advice to give you so that next time you go through a revolving door in my presence I don't attempt to kill you with the power of my mind.

One: When entering a revolving door, do not stand directly in the area where the person leaving the door needs to go in order to clear a space for you. As most revolving doors turn anti-clockwise, this is generally to their right, your left. Remember: Before you can use the door, someone else has to leave, because Einstein says you can't be in the same place as someone else is while they're there, or something. The point is that even if you cannot see through the revolving door to tell if the cat is alive or dead, you can see where someone will need to exit, and stand well aside from that area.

Two: While I understand that revolving doors are awesome and little kids love them, don't let your child play around them, because they impede the progress of everyone trying to use those doors. And I don't like getting blood on my shoes when your child gets their hand caught in the door and loses a finger.

Three: I know that exiting a revolving door can be baffling. There's a whole new stimulating experience to be had on the other side. Where should you go first? Look at all the shiny things! It can take time to explore the mysterious "World Outside" (or "The Indoors" as the case may be). Even if you don't know where you are or what to do, however, please walk away from the door. Five steps in any direction should suffice, and it is a very rare revolving door indeed where five steps in any direction will endanger your life. The reason for this precaution is that the revolving door has not magically become a wall, and other people are using it to gain access to this wonderful new world as well. If you are standing in front of the door, you are denying them the pleasure you yourself are experiencing.

I feel certain that if we all pull together and work hard to understand Our Friend, The Revolving Door, the world will be a better place, and I won't get slammed in the back of the head as I try to dodge around the person standing like a god damn idiot in front of the door while a ten-year-old pushes it forward from behind me.

Kisses,

Sam Starbuck.

PS: It was pretty funny when I turned around and the kid panicked and tried to push the door the other way, though.

* I used to really hate tourists, but that's unfair. What I hate is people who don't notice the world around them, and ironically the majority of those appear to be tourists.