(no subject)

Coworker from IT: Sam, if New Temporary Employee starts Monday, she'll need access to the building.
Sam: I've set up access for her for Monday and as soon as I can take her picture, we'll get her a...and I can't believe I'm saying this...permanent temp card.
Coworker from IT: That was fast. Did you know about her already?
Sam: I know everything.

Note to self: when I am king of the department, I'm making us buy my replacement a digital camera so s/he doesn't have to use a personal camera, like I do.

Note also to self: taking over the company from the inside would be a fun weekend excursion, Y/Y?

Bet you guys I could do it. As of this minute, I'm the only person in the entire company who knows how to a) qualify someone for permanent access to the building, b) work the program that locks and unlocks our entry doors, c) make security actually respond to an emergency call, and d) get that 20% discount everyone wants for the gym next door.

(no subject)

I just went out to dinner, where I was assaulted by a rat.

My hand to god, I did not make this up.

I have a guest staying with me tonight -- not a sex guest, stop writing the fanfic -- and we went out for dinner at this local place a couple of blocks away. And it's a nice night, so we sat outside and dined al fresco.

Halfway through dinner on the patio, I feel something smack into my leg. I think maybe the person sitting behind me kicked me or something, but then I see movement heading off in another direction, and I think, what, is that a dog?

AND THEN I SEE THE TAIL.

That's right, randomly, while enjoying a plate of Pad See Ew, I had a rat run into my leg.

I mean.

What.