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TRAAAAAAAININNNNNNNG

When training is done I'm buying myself a toy train or something.

Today's training was voluntary but ended up being really great. Technically I'm not expected to work as a researcher because I'm not trained or given the software access our researchers use; I'm supposed to support the researchers and keep the department running smoothly. But come on guys, this is me. I do research for fun.

So today we were in research training, so that I know what my ducklings do when they're not asking me for pens, and someone mentioned that nobody had been clipping Chicago Magazine or ArtNews, because they weren't usually that relevant to our focus but sometimes had good prospect information. And I said, "Well, given that I get both and read them cover to cover..."

So now I have official research assignments: once monthly I am to review the two magazines, clip anything that looks relevant, and pass it off to research.

That's right, kids: I'm getting paid to read magazines at work.

(Momentary aside: "Prospect" is the fundraising term for someone who isn't giving you money yet but could be. Fact of the day!)

Technically this is part of my new career track, though I don't think anyone expected I'd be tracking so soon. The company has a sort of plan for me, which goes something like Project Manager/Admin > Research Associate > Research Manager > eventually, if I'm ambitious, egotistical, lucky, or all three, Frontline Fundraiser. In ten to twelve years I could be traveling the world asking people for money.

I mean technically I could do that now, but if I wait a little while someone else will pay for the hotel rooms.

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I had lunch with a friend from another office today. How awesome is it that I get to do that now? The simple pleasure of just taking lunch when I want and not having to be back right on the dot is something I'm relearning.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that she works in the Equitable building, just behind Giant Marilyn Monroe, and she says the area has become quite the hotbed for pickpockets. Pickpocketing has declined rapidly in recent years due to our moving-towards-cashless society; it's just not profitable anymore, especially since you can turn your credit card off with a phone call, or in some cases on the internet.

But a ton of people working in that area -- Tribune Tower, Equitable, even some at Wrigley -- have had their pockets picked, and apparently a lot of tourists too. It makes sense; there's huge crowds of tourists carrying lots of traveling cash, they crowd around in a very predictable semicircle, and they're all busy staring up Marilyn Monroe's skirt. The workers' losses are a byproduct, though I don't like to see anyone get their pockets picked and especially people who just happen to work around there. But I can't deny that every time I pass Marilyn now, I see the assholes having their picture taken looking at her panties and picture them discovering their wallets gone and it tamps down on the annoyance a little.

(And yes, before you link me, I've seen the picture of people huddling under her skirt in the rain. Just wait till it snows...)

They wash Marilyn's feet now, did you guys hear about this? It started when they found some graffiti on her legs -- that's happened a number of times, including the most charming This whore burns in hell on her calf, which I saw with my own eyes about a month ago -- but also because so many people are...handling her. She gets quite grubby from the knees down, so every few days someone gets out there with a sponge or something and washes the dirt off.

I just don't even know.

I suppose the moral of the story is that if you come to Chicago and you visit Giant Marilyn, keep one hand on your wallet and the other to your goddamn self and please, for the sake of my blood pressure, don't make someone take your picture staring up her skirt.

(ETA: Sorry, guys, comments are now screened due to spammerz. If you leave a legit comment I promise to unscreen it!)