Sep. 5th, 2012

So Sprinkles Cupcakes, which is an entire chain of stores dedicated to selling you $3.50 cupcakes, installed a Cupcake ATM at their Beverly Hills location. Not to be outdone, Chicago decided it had to have one of these.

It's...it's so pink. The first thing you notice on the grey Chicago street early in the morning (because it would be no fun to visit the Cupcake ATM while the Cupcake Store was open) is that it's so pink.


Because a cupcake from the cupcake ATM costs $4, which is too much to pay for a cupcake at any time of the day or night, they make it an experience. And mock me if you must, but I've paid way more than $4 for a way less satisfying experience that I did not even get a cupcake at the end of.

Once you tap the screen, it brings up photos of various cupcakes they sell. You navigate through the touchscreen to select your flavour of cupcake from whatever they loaded it up with the night before (so yes, you are paying $4 for what is essentially a day-old cupcake) and then swipe your credit card.

At this point the screen blanks into a sort of horror-film black-and-white video shot from the point of view of the mechanical arm retrieving your cupcake. You can watch on the video screen as your cupcake is pulled off the little shelf, lowered to a ramp, pushed gently down the ramp to the receptacle, and then spins around with the receptacle, at which point the little brown box holding your cupcake is revealed unto you.

And then it sings you a song. I didn't make special note of the song but the lyrics go something like

We love Sprinkles, yes we do
Nummiest cupcakes in the world!
This is a harbinger of the end
Bow and make peace with your gods!


I may have made up those last two lines.

And I have to say, it's not like I'm the only person indulging in this madness. As soon as I stepped away from the ATM to put my cupcake in my messenger bag and post an instagram photo of the ATM, a woman stepped right up into my place to buy her own cupcake.

Well played, Sprinkles. Well played.
We knew at work that some research was coming down the pipeline and would be a fast turnaround, and it all landed today. My boss has taken to assigning me the short, fast stuff because it takes workload off the others and because I have this weird reputation for speed. I think it's more along the lines of "Sam is good at collating data" because usually the research is done, it's just a matter of finding it and plugging it in properly. It still took me all damn day, but it means tomorrow I can tweak stuff before sending it in.

Best thing I wrote today: Do not recommend considering Mr. [redacted] for board membership without further research into his alleged association with organized crime.

HE PULLS A KNIFE, I PULL A RESEARCH FILE. THAT'S THE CHICAGO WAY.

Dude is totally going into my "most interesting research" file, which already has profiles of a suspected CIA assassin and a guy who likes to race ferraris.

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