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Sep. 18th, 2012 04:38 pmI have a theory about my writing style (I don't pretend this is about everyone's; everyone's art is different) that goes something like "You can't be too miserable to write, but you can't be too happy or you won't write at all anyway."
Which is sort of awful when you think about it, but I never claimed to be sane...
I haven't been posting much, nor writing much, the reason being that I am, currently, tired and sad all the damn time. It's depression, so it'll pass, and it has no reasoning behind it; it just happens. Brain chemicals, et cetera. I always feel like I should talk about it, because a lot of people get depressed for no damn good reason and it's of course nice to know it happens to others too, but at the same time I never want to talk about it because I'm tired.
And because no matter how well-meaning the comments and emails that people send in response are, I'm incapable of being good or gracious about them, and it always feels like drama. The truth is I find it kind of humiliating and undignified, having to be told I'm a likeable person, and beyond that it's not really a good use of anyone's time because when your brain is a gear short of functional you don't believe anything anyone tells you about yourself anyway. (Hence the closing comments on this post. It's not to be a dick or anything, it's just that I really don't want the added pressure of responding to comments right now.)
Point is, really, that I'm okay; I know this will pass off relatively soon and I know how to deal with it in the meantime. It's just that in survival mode some things get cut, and posting on LJ is sadly one of the first to go.
Which is sort of awful when you think about it, but I never claimed to be sane...
I haven't been posting much, nor writing much, the reason being that I am, currently, tired and sad all the damn time. It's depression, so it'll pass, and it has no reasoning behind it; it just happens. Brain chemicals, et cetera. I always feel like I should talk about it, because a lot of people get depressed for no damn good reason and it's of course nice to know it happens to others too, but at the same time I never want to talk about it because I'm tired.
And because no matter how well-meaning the comments and emails that people send in response are, I'm incapable of being good or gracious about them, and it always feels like drama. The truth is I find it kind of humiliating and undignified, having to be told I'm a likeable person, and beyond that it's not really a good use of anyone's time because when your brain is a gear short of functional you don't believe anything anyone tells you about yourself anyway. (Hence the closing comments on this post. It's not to be a dick or anything, it's just that I really don't want the added pressure of responding to comments right now.)
Point is, really, that I'm okay; I know this will pass off relatively soon and I know how to deal with it in the meantime. It's just that in survival mode some things get cut, and posting on LJ is sadly one of the first to go.
