Avengers/Agents Of SHIELD: The Best Bad Ideas

Title: The Best Bad Ideas
Rating: R
Summary: When Clint Barton put on the Captain America costume for a mission, he didn't count on Phil Coulson's reaction. Coulson didn't count on Clint crashing his new team to do something about it.
Notes: This was semi-inspired by a throwaway line in I Shall Not Want Honour In Heaven where Fury is considering putting Clint Barton in the Cap costume before Steve is found. It turned into a terrifying romantic comedy with telepaths. I can't explain it. Also, because it's a bit of a mashup, I ignored the "there are no telepaths/kinetics in AoSverse" thing.
Warnings: While I wouldn't actually warn for consent issues on this one, the whole thing is a little heightened by how concerned with consent/coercion Coulson is, so tread cautiously. Also warning for kidnapping. It's a very strange story.

Here at Dreamwidth | Here at AO3

(no subject)

Mum had a house cleaning person come to the house today to look at the carpets and counters and give an estimate for cleaning, which I am pleased by not because this place is dirty but because the reason it's not dirty is that Mum spends more time than she should cleaning it. I'm frankly amazed she's willing to allow someone in the house to clean, but whatever helps.

Anyway, because of this, the dogs are locked in the office, and because of that, so am I. They're barking all over; I feel like joining them in solidarity.

What I am doing instead is posting fanfic. Hooray for random Avengers-based romcoms with large plot holes and mouthy telepaths!

Title: The Best Bad Ideas
Rating: R
Summary: When Clint Barton put on the Captain America costume for a mission, he didn't count on Phil Coulson's reaction. Coulson didn't count on Clint crashing his new team to do something about it.

Here at Dreamwidth | Here at AO3

(no subject)

We went to dinner at Red Lobster this evening.

Mum: Be careful with the menu, apparently that's where all the germs are.
Me: So...no licking the menu, is that what you're saying?
Mum: Just don't smear your hands all over it and then eat with them.
Me: I'm going to rub the menu directly on my surgical incisions.
Mum: We are going to get thrown out of Red Lobster.

I don't know if any of you have been to a Red Lobster recently (or if you're outside the US, ever) but I hadn't been to one in probably ten years. They got really expensive, or so I thought; seafood is pricey but not THAT pricey. But then they actually brought out our food and I realised.

Red Lobster is where you go if you have a powerful hunger.

I ordered a half-plate of crab linguine, expecting maybe a cup, and they brought me twice as much as I would fix for myself at home. Because I was expecting a little cup of pasta, I ordered a skewer of shrimp as well, expecting maybe six or eight. I got an enormous spear covered in shrimp, a JAVELIN of shrimp.

Needless to say, my stepdad is taking a shrimp po'boy to work tomorrow, and I'll be eating linguine probably until I leave for Chicago on Thursday.