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Feb. 19th, 2014 01:39 pmOH MAN I repressed this yesterday but you guys I actually like, faked getting knocked over by a car yesterday.
I mean, not intentionally.
I was crossing a street to get to my bus stop, and this car was turning into the street I was crossing and the driver clearly had a moment of how do pedestrians? What are they? and ignored the fact that the walk light was lit or that I was in the crosswalk.
So this car clearly wasn't braking and I was right in front of it and I finally worked out she wasn't going to stop and yelled HEY STOP FUCK really loudly. And I could see the PANIC in this woman's face right before I tried to dodge her bumper, hit a patch of ice, and fell the fuck over on my ass as she braked.
So she starts screaming OH LORD, OH LORD and I'm thinking shit I hope she put the parking brake on because my head is next to her tire, and she LEAPS from the car and I start to sit up and these three dudes at the bus stop, who know me because we all ride the bus together, are fifteen feet away losing their shit laughing.
So I assure her that I'm fine, that she did not in fact hit me, and that I am more or less unbruised (I did the broken-limb check, which I am pathetically familiar with) and sent her on her way because she was blocking the intersection. And I finally manage to dodge-ass my way over to the bus stop, where the three dudes are like OH SHIT YO THAT REALLY JUST HAPPENED TO YOU.
And then the oldest of the trio said, "Man, if that was me I'd'a done a FLYING LEAP onto her hood and screamed attempted murder. You got witnesses, we woulda backed you up."
"Next time I will definitely do that," I said, which set all three of them off again.
So I am slightly bruised today but not that much the worse for wear, and now I know that if I ever am hit by a car these three random guys at the bus stop will totally testify for me in court. Which is a nice warm feeling, I suppose.
I mean, not intentionally.
I was crossing a street to get to my bus stop, and this car was turning into the street I was crossing and the driver clearly had a moment of how do pedestrians? What are they? and ignored the fact that the walk light was lit or that I was in the crosswalk.
So this car clearly wasn't braking and I was right in front of it and I finally worked out she wasn't going to stop and yelled HEY STOP FUCK really loudly. And I could see the PANIC in this woman's face right before I tried to dodge her bumper, hit a patch of ice, and fell the fuck over on my ass as she braked.
So she starts screaming OH LORD, OH LORD and I'm thinking shit I hope she put the parking brake on because my head is next to her tire, and she LEAPS from the car and I start to sit up and these three dudes at the bus stop, who know me because we all ride the bus together, are fifteen feet away losing their shit laughing.
So I assure her that I'm fine, that she did not in fact hit me, and that I am more or less unbruised (I did the broken-limb check, which I am pathetically familiar with) and sent her on her way because she was blocking the intersection. And I finally manage to dodge-ass my way over to the bus stop, where the three dudes are like OH SHIT YO THAT REALLY JUST HAPPENED TO YOU.
And then the oldest of the trio said, "Man, if that was me I'd'a done a FLYING LEAP onto her hood and screamed attempted murder. You got witnesses, we woulda backed you up."
"Next time I will definitely do that," I said, which set all three of them off again.
So I am slightly bruised today but not that much the worse for wear, and now I know that if I ever am hit by a car these three random guys at the bus stop will totally testify for me in court. Which is a nice warm feeling, I suppose.
