Sep. 29th, 2015

DID I SERIOUSLY GET PANCREATITIS FOR MY BIRTHDAY?

THAT IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER.

I won’t actually know until Thursday, mind you. I genuinely half-thought the back pain I’ve been feeling was muscular like my super-dismissive first Critical Care doctor said, like, could I really have three internal organs fail me in three consecutive years? We know it’s not kidney stones, and surely it’s not actually pancreatitis like my way-more-awesome second Critical Care doctor suggested. That would be ludicrous. I was fully expecting to go in for my Thursday follow-up and have her be like “Welp we can’t find anything wrong, maybe try more physical therapy?”

But this test result I just got via email says I have a blood glucose level that's like twice what it should be. You know what causes that kind of diabetes-like blood sugar behavior in a non-diabetic, healthy adult on a low-to-no sugar diet? I do, ‘cause I googled it.

Pancreatitis! *jazz hands*

Fuck my liiiiiiife.

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