I am bitter about the fact that I am THE MOST assiduous applier of sunscreen and yet I am the one...

I am bitter about the fact that I am THE MOST assiduous applier of sunscreen and yet I am the one who is sunburned. It’s not bad, but it’s a little more every day. (My dad warned me about this when I was NINE and came home from a full day at the water park with a tan. I have his fair skin and freckles, but before I turned thirty at least I could get a tan.)

Other than the mild itch of the sunburn though, I’m still having a great time. We did early park hours yesterday and basically walked onto every ride we wanted to go on. I forgot how amazing Space Mountain is.

We did Magic Kingdom in the morning, including Be Our Guest, where I got the roast beef sandwich and the chocolate cake with “the grey stuff” which turned out to be a very nice whipped frosting. Everything at Be Our Guest is delicious.

But as our server brought out our food, Sci leaned over and said, “So we hear you have…A CARROT KETCHUP.”

Which they do and which all the hipster disney foodie blogs (oh yes, I said “hipster disney foodie blog”, that’s a thing that happens) said was amazing. And our server let us have a little cup for free.

Kids, I’m here to tell you, carrot ketchup is a lie.

Basically it’s carrot puree with vinegar. On its own it’s actually quite nice, and does well as a sweet vinaigrette dressing, but you cannot use it as a ketchup. You will regret your life choices.

We did Hollywood Studios in the afternoon, where I got to ride on Tower of Terror, which is AMAZING and better than the California version, and I got to do it in a thunderstorm (well, at that point it was just rain, it became a thunderstorm later) which was super cool and added to the Twilight Zone of the whole experience. We saw the Star Wars themed fireworks (and a LOT of other Star Wars themed stuff) and had a lovely late night snack complete with glowing drinks at the Sci Fi Drive In Diner, and during the rainstorm I officially learned How To Poncho.

I’ve taken to getting up early and coming to the cafeteria in the hotel to do some writing/replying; I’d give you a fuller account of yesterday but we’re off to Animal Kingdom today and I have to go pack, put on real shoes, and apply all the sunscreen. ALL OF IT.

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Also Still Sunburned

I am back from Animal Kingdom, where I saw wildebeest. Also a hippo, some elephants, and a yeti.

The yeti was animatronic and appears only briefly on the Expedition Everest ride, which is both an AWESOME ROLLERCOASTER and a really uncomfortable journey into how Western mountaineering treats its own imperialist leanings. But still: a great rollercoaster.

But it was still not as amazing as Dinoland USA.

I’ve realized that I love Disney parks the most when they are either simulating reality or mocking it. In some sense, the entire experience of Disney is simulated reality; it’s an extended theatrical performance from the minute you enter Disney property. But sometimes, like with Tomorrowland or a lot of the fairy-tale aspects of the parks, Disney is trying to project an unreality, whereas with things like Epcot, Disney is re-creating reality – and with, say, certain parts of Hollywood Studios, they’re making fun of an idea of how things are. Nowhere is this more evident than at DINOLAND USA.  

Dinoland USA is Disney’s reimaginging of the cheap, desperate roadside attraction – it has a small carnival midway, some especially schlocky souvenir shops, and a single roller coaster (which is also great, and very reminiscent of every rickety roller coaster I’ve ever legitimately feared for my life on). It includes little details like cracked blacktop and paint worn off the pipes used as railings (which is also to be found in the waiting line of Tower of Terror, and I do kind of wonder if Disney has a specialist faux-painter who just does “antiqued pipes”). As a former theatre nerd and scene designer, I appreciate the attention to detail and the humor that must go into it. And just, really, the whole attempt.

So we had a lot of fun and saw a lot of animals, ate at RESTAURANTOSAURUS in the Dinoland USA park because we really, really needed AC at that point, and did the river rapids ride before betaking ourselves back to the hotel. Since then we’ve been resting and packing; we could say we conquered Disney now that we’ve been to every park, but we all agreed it’s a little more realistic to say that Disney has conquered us.

Knotta has now officially been Randomly Selected to go through the special-security metal detector at every park. Apparently she looks like the kind of person who could endanger the safety of Disney Parks guests. I feel like every time you go through the metal detector you should get a special sticker, and if you get a sticker from every park you can turn them in for a special Disney pin that looks like a miniature security badge.

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