(no subject)

[cblj_backup]

This afternoon my toilet broke. I didn't do anything, I just suddenly noticed it was hissing. Toilets aren't supposed to hiss.

So I investigated. As far as I could figure out, the tank was draining as fast as it was filling. I checked the seals, and after one of them spewed black stuff all over my hands, I decided maybe it wasn't the seals. Though I did wonder if there are squids living in my toilet. After the mice and wasps, I wouldn't be wholly shocked.

Anyway, the problem turned out to be with the flush lever, which is rusted so badly it is about to snap in half, and thus keeps slipping out of the output pump. BTW, in case any of you are unduly impressed right now, these are names I have made up, I don't know what the actual bits are called. According to the internet the output pump is actually called a flapper, but mine isn't a flap, it's a pump, so fuck 'em.

The thing to do seemed to be to reinforce the flush lever. I thought this might necessitate ordering sushi, because a chopstick would work perfectly but I didn't have any. I was casting about for duct tape when my eye fell on a Hello Kitty pencil in my pencil mug.

I didn't even know I owned a Hello Kitty pencil. I have no idea where it came from. It might be a magic pencil sent specifically to help me fix my toilet.

At any rate, now my toilet flushes again, with the aid of a Hello Kitty pencil duct taped to the flush lever. Thank you, Hello Kitty!

How is this my life.

Comments

[ncp.livejournal.com]

Oh Lord, you've been talking to my father, haven't you? That is totally something he would do.

[fenrischained.livejournal.com]

...I don't know whether your life is amazing or fail. But your plumbing solutions are definitely the former.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

I do my best :D

[2nd2ndalto.livejournal.com]

As far as I could figure out, the tank was draining as fast as it was filling. I checked the seals, and after one of them spewed black stuff all over my hands, I decided maybe it wasn't the seals.

Oh god. I have been mainlining X-Files all afternoon, and the first thing I thought was: aliens. Maybe it's time for a break?

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Well if there ARE aliens in my toilet could they please for the love of god fix the seals?

[keestone.livejournal.com]

The toilet at Beloved's old place had a sticker on it that said "Breaking the Laws of Physics". I think your toilet may deserve one of those. (That toilet just had a handle that was very very loose and would fall off if you didn't flush it just right. People who weren't used to it would flush the toilet and then come out in a panic because they'd broken the toilet. We'd just put the handle back on.)

[lots42.livejournal.com]

Cue classic story of 'Magic switch' and the computerizing device somehow failing when mystery switch turns off. No, not power switch.

[madripoor-rose.livejournal.com]

http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20110325

"But why are there mechanical squid in the cistern?"

"Why is everyone so surprised about that? Where else would we keep them?"


Fill pump, flapper, overflow tube. Which I only know since we rebuilt one of our toilets three damn times because the tank kept draining and refilling.

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

You are the only person I know who fixed a toilet by stopping snaking it.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

LOL. I unsnaked it!

[slice254.livejournal.com]

I need a new one of those flapper thingies (actually, everything that is inside my toilet probably should be replaced), but the maintenance people in my building claim that the toilet is so old they don't make parts for it any more. I don't believe them.

When the chain on the handle that raises the flapper thingy up broke, they fixed it with a steel paper clip. When that finally rusted and fell apart, I re-fixed it with a paper clip covered with bright pink plastic.

I think apartment living entails creative plumbing solutions.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

I know a little of toilets. If it has a flapper thingie, they make parts for them.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

I will now mentally associated Hello Kitty with spewing black fluid.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

:D

[rednwhiterose.livejournal.com]

MacGyver would be impressed.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Well, he'd be able to pee and flush, at any rate :D

[adina-atl.livejournal.com]

Though I did wonder if there are squids living in my toilet.

I scared an octopus a week or so ago and got ink spewed at me. Octopus ink is surprisingly...vicous. It doesn't disperse in the water, it hardens into seaweed-like strands. /random

[vivichick.livejournal.com]

could you have meant "viscous"? If you did, HOORAY! That is one of my most favoritest words ever invented! people look at me askance when I use it in everyday conversation.

Words :) *SQUISH*

[nutmeg3.livejournal.com]

If the Magic Hello Kitty Pencil should eventually give up the ghost, you can buy the necessary toilet guts for about $8 or so, and it's incredibly easy to install them. I've done it several times, and if it required anything even slightly confusing, my toilets would still be running endlessly.

[vivichick.livejournal.com]

But wouldn't the world just be a better place if he replaced it with a magical New Kids On The Block or N*SYNC pencil?

[florahart]

After the first line I was somewhat worried that the auxiliary Chamber of Secrets was located in Chicago.

[darksideofstorm.livejournal.com]

At the rate Sam is going, I would not be surprised if Moaning Myrtle leapt from the cistern and tried to enact some version of Misery on him.

[chicleeblair.livejournal.com]

Well, I do believe in the power of Hello Kitty bandaids....

[cupcakery.livejournal.com]

They're great for covering up facial blemishes!

[(Anonymous)]

the handle snapped right off my toilet once. I used a wire hanger, with one end wrapped around the lever in the tank, and the other bent into a handle. It was pretty damn jury-rigged, but it worked!

[cateagle.livejournal.com]

*chuckle* Since no one else has said it, I'm glad that with the help of that pencil, you are now flushed with success.

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

+1

[caffienekitty]

I dread the day my toilet needs anything. The oh so wise design people built the bathroom counter in my apartment right over top of the tank, so I have no idea how I'd even get the damn thing open.

[cateagle.livejournal.com]

What kind of clearance did they give you? Can you lift the top and slide it out from under the counter? That, at least, will give you some minimum of operating room for fixing things. Failing that, you'll definitely need to talk with your maintenance people before trouble hits and see if they can make access provisions without doing too much damage (depending on how they went about it, I can think of a few different ways of doing that without doing excessive damage to the decor).

[aliannesecunda.livejournal.com]

Oh, *that's* why my Hello Kitty pencil was missing today. It's okay, you need it more. ;)

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Much obliged! :D

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

Hello Kitty stationery has mystical powers of utility. The Hello Kitty pen that appeared at work (university libraries accumulate random pens like nobody's business, and lose them just as fast) was the only one that never got stolen, until someone broke the Hello Kitty off the top (this clearly destroyed the magic).

[lots42.livejournal.com]

No, you are right.

See, flashy pens don't get stolen.

Quite seriously, you must bling out your pens to protect them.

[lady81bird.livejournal.com]

In an old tradition of nothing being more permanent than temporary measures - in ten years when you have moved out of the apartment the new tenant will notice the toilet hissing, start to investigate and discover the remains of the Hello Kitty pencil...

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

There is a piece of wire tied to the arm of the floater that looks like it's been there since it was installed. I don't know what the wire originally did, but it's just sittin' there now...

[kpreid.livejournal.com]

What exactly is this output pump you speak of? 'Cos I don't see what a pump would be doing in a toilet, gravity-feed-or-pressure-tank and all that.

Pic?

(Either I learn something, or I get to explain something...)

[(Anonymous)]

(because who else would I tell this story to?)
I have a perfectly functioning toilet.
But every time somebody uses it, they come back in a panic because it's OMG BROKEN.
The reason?
There's a long handle hanging right down next to it and people assume that's the flush mechanism and panic when tugging it does NOTHING. In actuality, that handle is meant to open and close the skylight. No, people, my window doesn't flush.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

LOL! "You can't flush the sky!"

Hmmm...

[(Anonymous)]

Isn't this a job for Crazy Awesome Irish Super?? (Not that I don't appreciate the Sheer Genius of utilizing a Magic Hello Kitty pencil...)

~mad en

Re: Hmmm...

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but it sucks to have to fix a toilet on a Saturday night. I called him, he said "tug on the flapper!" and I was like, okay, I don't even have one of those, never mind, I'll fix it myself.

[firynze.livejournal.com]

...you now have a Magical Hello Kitty Toilet. Only you, Sam. Only you.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAhahahahahahah you are so right. I need to get a Hello Kitty sticker to put on it.

[wellowned.livejournal.com]

this reminds me of the one really cool guy at my mom's office. i say cool very loosely because he's a hair off of weird, but since we can geek about the same stuff, he's my kind of weird. :) anyway, his flush lever for quite some time? was made of Legos. a magical Hello Kitty pencil would have been quite useful for him.

that being said, i'm dying for him to make me a pentomino puzzle for my desk and i feel like sharing his geeky goodness with everyone.