(no subject)

I think if you chopped up The Road to Wellville and re-edited it, it would make one really funny period satire, one really interesting drama, and one really bad buddy comedy.

But uh. As it is, it pretty much fails at everything. So I just fast-forwarded through 2/3 of it and watched a very enjoyable fifty minute satire.

"Will, please don't get hysterical. It's terribly American and rather vulgar."

(no subject)

Not enough gems to post tonight, but two of them really tickled me.

The first one is for ter369:

Opera is a good role model.

And the second one is just, I don't know. I think I should hook him/her up with the boy who wrote gay furry fic:

When I was younger I was sexually attracted to Daffy Duck.

Commentary post-hack: Ter died recently, and I miss her.

(no subject)

So, I was thinking tonight, as I sat at my desk doing NOTHING because I'm not allowed to grade more than 30 papers an hour, that if I graded eight papers every quarter of an hour and then spent the other five minutes working on grooks, I might not suck by the time I get out of this job. So I wrote grooks on post it notes, which worked really well because all but the longest one fit on one mini post-it.

(Note to Jim: There will be Froot Grooks eventually, just you wait.)

I maintain that this is something you probably get better at with practice, so go easy; these mind me more of Ogden Nash than Piet Hein. I think this is my favourite from tonight:

Tomorrow morning we'll repent but
(Mea Culpa Maxis)
Tonight's time will be better spent
(In vino veri-taxis).

Words are cheap
But cheap pens smear
Which makes my words
Ex-pen-severe.

Hobbits are creatures
Of Myth.
Grooks consist mainly
Of Pith.

The fashion today is for
Minimal Carbs
Which makes you look better
in Minimal Garbs.

We admire our parents
Until we are teens
And then we admire our friends;
Which translated to
The vernacular means
We start acting like donkey's rear ends.

Arthritis stiffens fingers
And pneumonia coats the throat
Re-humatism lingers
And the gout can get your goat
But if you fear time's passing might
Infinity's dull drums
Recall old age is not a right --
Take heart! You might die young!

All the words you need to write
Are in the dictionary
If only they'd arrange themselves
And stop being contrary.

Family reunions go smooth
With a liberal uthage of boothe.

For the GO fans:
There's nothing more divine
Than a bookshop (second hand)
If only one could find
The times that it is manned.