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Jul. 31st, 2007 10:12 pmI'm brilliant!
I've solved the problem of which baseball team to root for (I'm sure you were all waiting with bated breath for that vital news).
See, the White Sox seem kind of bland to me, and anyway they're South Side and I live on the North Side. The Cubs have a rich history of failure, which apparently attracts me and cool antique stadium, but the Cubs fans I encounter on the El make me want to poison their hot dogs. I can't be a Cubs fan; I'm too much of a snob. So here's my solution:
I'm going to be a Sox fan...
...but root for the Cubs.
Wait, hear me out. See, the Sox don't care if I actually want them to win or not, they have lots of loud fans and a jillion dollars and put up really smug billboards all over the North Side. I can be a Sox Fan without rooting for them, they won't notice.
The Cubs could really use my support, on the other hand. They need all the help they can get, even if it's just inside my head. So I should root for them, but if I'm a Sox fan I don't have to (by law) get drunk and shout obscenities on the El. I can even dislike those who do!
It's almost nirvanic in its simplicity.
I've solved the problem of which baseball team to root for (I'm sure you were all waiting with bated breath for that vital news).
See, the White Sox seem kind of bland to me, and anyway they're South Side and I live on the North Side. The Cubs have a rich history of failure, which apparently attracts me and cool antique stadium, but the Cubs fans I encounter on the El make me want to poison their hot dogs. I can't be a Cubs fan; I'm too much of a snob. So here's my solution:
I'm going to be a Sox fan...
...but root for the Cubs.
Wait, hear me out. See, the Sox don't care if I actually want them to win or not, they have lots of loud fans and a jillion dollars and put up really smug billboards all over the North Side. I can be a Sox Fan without rooting for them, they won't notice.
The Cubs could really use my support, on the other hand. They need all the help they can get, even if it's just inside my head. So I should root for them, but if I'm a Sox fan I don't have to (by law) get drunk and shout obscenities on the El. I can even dislike those who do!
It's almost nirvanic in its simplicity.
