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So much has fought me in the last 24 hours that I think I'm a little afraid to leave the flat in case I'm hit by a car, which is the only thing that could make my situation worse at this point. And if a car can get through four other flats and into mine, well, obviously it's the will of the gods.

The only things I had planned today were clothes and grocery shopping, a haircut, and a trip to the bookshop to try and find a book I wanted. Honestly, after this morning, I'm certain a haircut is a bad idea. I have food, and the book was published in 1899. It'll wait.

My favourite part of A Midwinter's Tale is where the senior Shakespearean actor says to the junior, "Whenever I can't remember my line, I just say Crouch we here awhile, and lurk and then I can hide until I remember it."

CROUCHING AND LURKING CROUCHING AND LURKING.

(no subject)

Step one: Butter a slice of bread, in preparation for adding honey.

Step two: Reach for the honey bottle, located next to an empty water bottle on the counter.

Step three: Brush water bottle with hand, knocking it over so that it threatens to fall into the gap between the counter and the stove.

Step four: Attempt to catch empty water bottle, and with your forearm gently knock the handle of the small cooking pot sitting on the stove.

Step five: Crook arm so that you catch the water bottle with your hand and steady the pot with the inside of your arm.

Step six: Stand in kitchen with butter knife in left hand and water bottle in right hand, cooking pan clenched in the corner of your elbow.

And that is how, in ten seconds or less, you prep yourself for Ninja Iron Chef.