(no subject)

"Last night I was sitting here and Sugar was sitting there and just licking himself relentlessly for twenty minutes, and finally I said Sugar, stop it, stop with the licking and the smacking and the swallowing, I can't take it anymore. And he looked up at me and got up and got his face right up in mine and burped dick breath all over me."

R thinks this is way funnier than I do.

(no subject)

R: Oprah has opened an Oprah store in Chicago.
Sam: What...what does she sell in her Oprah store?
R: Oprah.
Sam: So...if I want an ounce of Oprah I go to the Oprah store? Pure-grade Chinese Oprah?
R: Home grown hydroponic Oprah.
Sam: Fresh ground Oprah!
R: Ribbed for her pleasure Oprah.
Sam: I can't believe you went there,
R: Five speed vibrating Oprah.

OH MY GOD NO.