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(no subject)
Nov. 20th, 2008 08:13 amDear My Apartment:
HOT WATER
UR DOIN IT WRONG.
More fragrantly than I prefer,
Sam
HOT WATER
UR DOIN IT WRONG.
More fragrantly than I prefer,
Sam
Nov. 20th, 2008
(no subject)
Nov. 20th, 2008 02:12 pmBest. Conversation. Ever.
Sam: Hello?
Coworker B: Sam, can you call the building office?
Sam: Sure, what's the problem?
Coworker B: The smokeless ashtray is on fire.
OH YES.
We have a little spot behind the building for smokers, and two smokeless ashtrays. The ashtrays have a small cup on top with a hole in it, then a looooooong neck, then a bulbous base. The neck screws off so you can put a pail in the base with water in it, which is why they're smokeless -- the cigarette drops straight into the water (I've seen building maintenance changing them, oh so disgusting).
Anyway, yes, the water in the pail FROZE this morning and someone threw a cigarette in and it lit all the other cigarettes on top of the ice, which made huge billows of smoke pour out of the little cup on the top. Very impressive!
Sam: Hello?
Coworker B: Sam, can you call the building office?
Sam: Sure, what's the problem?
Coworker B: The smokeless ashtray is on fire.
OH YES.
We have a little spot behind the building for smokers, and two smokeless ashtrays. The ashtrays have a small cup on top with a hole in it, then a looooooong neck, then a bulbous base. The neck screws off so you can put a pail in the base with water in it, which is why they're smokeless -- the cigarette drops straight into the water (I've seen building maintenance changing them, oh so disgusting).
Anyway, yes, the water in the pail FROZE this morning and someone threw a cigarette in and it lit all the other cigarettes on top of the ice, which made huge billows of smoke pour out of the little cup on the top. Very impressive!
(no subject)
Nov. 20th, 2008 06:31 pmUnorthodox uses for hot cocoa powder, #s 4, 5, AND 6!
Number four: Trash can deodoriser!
I have this trash can OF THE FUTURE, which opens when I wave a hand in front of it (and then closes on my hand if I am scraping something into the trash). The problem is, when it closes it kind of hermetically seals. I think you could use it to shoot small things into space and they would return safely. So when I throw something fragrant into the trash, it holds in the air and consolidates the smell until when you open it again the smell leaps out, assaults you, and steals your valuables.
Remembering that hot cocoa powder mixed with boric acid makes my no-longer-roach-ridden bathroom smell pleasantly of chocolate, I mixed up a paste of two large spoonfuls of powder plus about 1/4 cup of water, and poured it over the trash liberally. Now my garbage smells like cheap cocoa! Which is infinitely preferable to week-old garlic butter.
Number five: Fruit fly killarz.
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hija_paloma, expert on all things Fruit Fly, recommended this to me because having got rid of the roaches I seem to have developed a slight fruit fly problem. This also requires a bit of instant oatmeal.
Mix one packet (or about a quarter cup) instant oatmeal with a few spoonfuls of hot cocoa mix -- Dove suggested yeast or sugar -- and add enough hot water to moisten. Tape a paper cone over the top with a hole cut in the tip, so that the flies can get in but can't easily get out. Set in the affected area and be very, very sure to remove the mixture (to an outdoor dumpster) every two days, otherwise maggots will breed and hello, fruit fly orgy in the kitchen! Nobody wants that.
Number six: Inspirational living.
I have reached a point in my domestic life where if I encounter a problem, be it physical, emotional, or financial, I immediately think, how can hot cocoa powder solve this?
There are many things that hot cocoa powder can never fix. SAF, for example, does not accept student loan payments in the form of delicious powdered chocolate. But even so, when I think about solving the world's problems with cocoa, I feel slightly better about life in general.
Number four: Trash can deodoriser!
I have this trash can OF THE FUTURE, which opens when I wave a hand in front of it (and then closes on my hand if I am scraping something into the trash). The problem is, when it closes it kind of hermetically seals. I think you could use it to shoot small things into space and they would return safely. So when I throw something fragrant into the trash, it holds in the air and consolidates the smell until when you open it again the smell leaps out, assaults you, and steals your valuables.
Remembering that hot cocoa powder mixed with boric acid makes my no-longer-roach-ridden bathroom smell pleasantly of chocolate, I mixed up a paste of two large spoonfuls of powder plus about 1/4 cup of water, and poured it over the trash liberally. Now my garbage smells like cheap cocoa! Which is infinitely preferable to week-old garlic butter.
Number five: Fruit fly killarz.
hija_paloma, expert on all things Fruit Fly, recommended this to me because having got rid of the roaches I seem to have developed a slight fruit fly problem. This also requires a bit of instant oatmeal. Mix one packet (or about a quarter cup) instant oatmeal with a few spoonfuls of hot cocoa mix -- Dove suggested yeast or sugar -- and add enough hot water to moisten. Tape a paper cone over the top with a hole cut in the tip, so that the flies can get in but can't easily get out. Set in the affected area and be very, very sure to remove the mixture (to an outdoor dumpster) every two days, otherwise maggots will breed and hello, fruit fly orgy in the kitchen! Nobody wants that.
Number six: Inspirational living.
I have reached a point in my domestic life where if I encounter a problem, be it physical, emotional, or financial, I immediately think, how can hot cocoa powder solve this?
There are many things that hot cocoa powder can never fix. SAF, for example, does not accept student loan payments in the form of delicious powdered chocolate. But even so, when I think about solving the world's problems with cocoa, I feel slightly better about life in general.