(no subject)

I am the biggest dumbass ever.

Yesterday evening, I leaned through my bedroom doorway to check something on my computer. Instead of leaning away from the wall and then back, in order to return to the living room, I just leaned straight back, and bashed my head into the doorframe.

Let's examine this again: I knew there was a wall there, it was right next to my eyeball, but I chose to unconsciously ignore this fact and try to go through the wall with my head. And now I have a vivid purple bruise about an inch and a half in diameter on my forehead. BossBoss has already asked me if I got mugged last night.

Last year, when I broke my ankle, I thought I was the only grownup person ever to pull such a stupid stunt. I walked around in my boot, my admittedly super-cool steamboot, thinking to myself "I have never seen another adult wearing one of these, what kind of freak am I?" And then I got the boot off, and continued to never have seen another adult wearing a boot.

Until this year. Suddenly, they're everywhere. In the past month alone I must have seen fifteen different people wearing walking casts. So it turns out I'm not a freak, I'm a trendsetter.

I broke my ankle before breaking your ankle was considered cool.

(no subject)

My sleeper agent in the UK (ursula_bear) has acquired a copy of Heat Magazine and some photos of the spread. And so I share with you!

Page One (Toilet Paper)
Page Two (Groping Eva Longoria)
Page Three (I'm Sure Scott Doesn't Care)
Photo Closeup One (Bingo Ends Horribly!)
Photo Closeup Two (Scope The Eyebrows)
Photo Closeup Three (Is That Elvish?)

It's definitely not the BBC logo. I'm not sure what it is, other than the saddest tattoo ever.

(no subject)

I have so many bosses.

There's BossBoss, of course, known and loved by all, and then there's Interim Supreme!Boss, who is looking less interim by the day, and then there's actual super duper supreme boss, who is boss of the whole company.

Actual super duper supreme boss is new. Bossanova? Anyway, he's new and his assistant, while not new to the company, is new to the position. She has decided that if she, or her two assistants, or Bossanova himself is unavailable, I should answer their phones. They're going to set this up so that I have another line (that makes nine) and I'm only allowed to answer that line after the third ring. Because I pay so much attention to what line is ringing when the phone goes. And then I'm supposed to take a message.

I've made several rather well-reasoned arguments against this -- a, the message will reach him faster via voicemail, b, the message will be more accurate, and c, I can't actually help these people, tell them when Bossanova will be back, or answer any of their questions, which is just going to annoy them. Oh also, d, like they're not going to be just as irritated to get the receptionist when they're calling the head of the company as they would with getting voicemail?

Her reply was that "He always wants someone to answer the phone". Which is, not to put too fine a point on it, supremely dumb. I have polled the admins and we are in agreement on this.

But I realised today, when someone asked to be put through to his voicemail and then called back because the phone just kept ringing, he actually doesn't have voicemail. At all.

So maybe it's not that he's an asshole; maybe he doesn't know how to work voicemail. Maybe he's too insecure to ask to be taught, or has tried to learn and can't seem to grasp it. Which makes me feel better, because now I'm not being assigned more work just because some douchebag has unrealistic expectations about customer service. I'm doing a frightened man a solid and colluding in the conspiracy to protect him from the ravages of mid-twentieth-century technology. That means that not only am I a hero, I'm part of a secret society.

Just one more way that storytelling makes my life and the lives of those around me a little bit less unpleasant.

(no subject)

I just saw White Collar! It's not a spoiler to say it was awesomely enjoyable! But the rest of what I have to say is spoilers, so you can find them behind the cut for....

Sam's Three Things About White Collar, 2.01: ( Withdrawal )

3a. It's not really news that Peter is the best alpha dog ever, but I can't think of anything non-spoilery to say, so I'll just say that and then link you to the Gag Reel for season one, which I just saw for the first time. Have some lols! I geev them to joo.