Don't Ask Me About North Wales

[cblj_backup]

I was pleased to discover this morning that I am no longer the only person on the internet who is interested in Welsh tourism!

Although I am acting under the assumption that none of my comrades are also Information Centre employees and/or agents of a top-secret organisation fronted by the Welsh Tourism Board. If you are, don't tell me, I probably don't have clearance for that kind of thing. Also, ask headquarters to send me some new brochures on Brecon Beacons National Park, as the current ones are out of date and do not contain sufficient warnings regarding your likelihood of encountering cannibals.

Brecon Beacons: You Might Not Get Eaten!

Gwen complains a lot about how that camping trip made her lose her naivete but at the time I was busy being tenderised and unable to help Jack protect her from life's little tragedies, so I don't feel too guilty.

My point is, essentially, that southern Wales is a pleasant place to holiday, and as long as you stay within the Cardiff city limits you are 99% unlikely to be eaten by cannibals*. You are, however, 80% more likely to get laid than anywhere else in Wales**.

Come to Cardiff! Bring your umbrella!

* Statistic does not apply to Raxacoricofallipatorians, mutants of any description, or sex mist.
** Statistic is anecdotal but pretty well proven by the Ianto Jones Institute Of Have You Met Captain Jack Harkness.

Comments

[timeagency.livejournal.com]

I have added Welsh tourism to my interests, too. Just to be friendly. I have no desire to be shot in the face. As for being eaten, I can't help you with updated brochures but I can tell you what they did when the natives of Marthorn VII suddenly started to chow down on the tourists. They added a sticker to the brochures that read, "The danger to tourists upon arrival at this planet's receiving station is extreme. We do not advise travel here without an armed and very well fed guard force. If you must travel there unaccompanied, be advised to bring a large amount of hot sauce to bathe with." This worked in about 50 percent of the cases. The other half were totally into hot and spicy food.

I am sorry to hear you were tenderized. That was not only barbaric (and unlike some of my coworkers, I do not see your entire century as barbaric) it was entirely unnecessary as you seem quite sweet and soft enough. Although I understand you wield a mean stun gun.

Sometime back you asked what century I'm from. I was born in the 42nd (commonly known as the wisest century ever but no one's ever figured out why) but the offices of the Boss of the agency are in the 29th. (HIS boss has an office out of time entirely but none of us ever gets to go there.) We have sattelite offices throughout time on various worlds. But I never get to go to them. I qualified but the Boss likes me in the office. Something about being the only one here capable of speaking in a civil fashion to the outside world.

[ask-aboutcoffee.livejournal.com]

Keeping the Agency's loos stocked must be a logistical nightmare. (General Support staff think of these things.)

I didn't particularly believe I required tenderisation either, but then again I've never prepared another human being for dinner. As inappropriate as it was to attempt to eat myself and my coworkers, they probably knew what they were doing. And anyway Jack shot them (not in the face) so I feel that a balance of sorts has been achieved.

[timeagency.livejournal.com]

The question you must ask yourself is, what does an intergalactic time agency stock the loos with? There are, in fact, seventeen different types of bodily waste disposal units in my one suite of offices alone. And we have an alternate means of disposing of unaffiliated waste products.

I have just gotten off the vid with a six limbed supplier of caffeinated beverages. You have mentioned coffee. It was on his list of available items. Is it something that would be agreeable to more than just humans? Is there a trick to the preparation? My supplier is offering it in concentrated form (*just add hot di-hydro-oxy fluid!*) but I would be interested in the more traditional modes of preparation.

Your Jack needs to be made aware that there is a time shift coming in the next relative ten-day cycle that will encompass portions of Earth's northern hemisphere. It appears headed for the 21st century and as I am set in a time that is parallel relative to your own this means the days are parallel so it's soon. It may not have any impact due to your Rift but it's worth keeping an eye on. And since we cannot send anyone to monitor it on site, would it be possible for him to forward to us any details? It will, for your information, feel like "The planet moved." I'm sure you know how that feels by now.

[ask-aboutcoffee.livejournal.com]

I have not actually encountered many sentient species long enough for coffee consumption to be an issue. Generally they get shot in the face before I can offer them any further hospitality.

Coffee does contain caffeine and should really only be prepared or distributed by an expert. I apologise that I cannot personally oversee your coffee production but any of your agents who have spent time in the 20th century should be more than capable of producing, if not coffee, then a suitably coffee-like substance.

I will pass along the time-shift information to Jack but he tends to do things his own way and it's entirely possible that he will simply distribute a finite amount of aphrodesiac into the water supply so that the earth will, as it were, move for everyone.

I suppose there are worse ways to ride out a time shift. As it were.

[sevendayloan.livejournal.com]

Do you have a actual degree from the Ianto Jones Institute Of Have You Met Captain Jack Harkness, or just some sort of preliminary accreditation? Statistical purposes, of course.

Also, I applaud the new Beacons slogan. Rhymes are an absolute necessity.

[ask-aboutcoffee.livejournal.com]

Technically I am the founder and sole employee, but it's an informal research group. Extremely informal. Loosely allied to the Hub Foundation For Jack Have You Seen My Trousers.

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

I believe there has been corroborating evidence from the Captain Jack Harkness Institute of Have You Met Captain Jack Harkness on this matter, also.

[ask-aboutcoffee.livejournal.com]

That institute is biased, however. More tourism means more research subjects; clearly there is a conflict of Very Interested at work.

[1-mad-squirrel.livejournal.com]

My point is, essentially, that southern Wales is a pleasant place to holiday, and as long as you stay within the Cardiff city limits you are 99% unlikely to be eaten by cannibals*.

What about Swansea?

[ask-aboutcoffee.livejournal.com]

I can't vouch for Swansea; god only knows what they get up to.