Sam's Backup Page

When I was a very young man, I sailed from King's Lynn, where nothing much has happened for longer than I care to state, though we did have a plague in 1665, long before I was born. Aye, it was no place for a restless man unless he put to sea, and so I did. Determined to bring some form of fame or at the least notoriety to my name, having come from such unromantic origins, I took to piracy once I had mastered the sail.

Oh, those were good days, when we used canoes to rob merchant ships off Nassau. How I delighted in swarming the big ships! It pains me to say it, but I did miss our little periaguas when I finally attained my big thirty-gunner, the Ranger. I hear you may know of my second, Teach, who in those days commanded the sloop I left for the Ranger, and sailed under my flag. He has some notoriety of his own, these days.

Together we took wine merchants and spirit merchants, and merchants of alcohol, and merchants who sold distilled liquors, and other such similar creatures. The shipful of flour bound for Havana, now, that was an error, and somewhat embarrassing, but you might say that in the right hands flour is still gold.

The time we raided a ship for their hats (having thrown ours overboard while drunk, the night before) may not be my finest moment, but one must admit it had style.

I never admitted to piracy outright whilst I was at it, and I never took an English ship, so that the front of privateerage in service of my country should at least be maintained. But I have taken a pardon now, as a pirate, so I suppose there's no harm to calling it such. I have it in mind to speak to the new governor of the Bahamas; he says he has a place in his government for pirate-catchers, and I should be just as happy taking ships if they be pirate ships, as I was taking merchants. Pirates are probably the wealthier.

And wouldn't it be funny if I took Jack Rackham, or my old friend Teach?

My name is Benjamin Hornigold, and I am the hat-thief, the rum-taker, the flour-snatcher, and the pirate-chaser of King's Lynn.

Yearly, on the 19th, I remind my readers that it is Talk Like A Pirate Day, not Talk Like Every Pirate Day.

When I was in the monastery of St. Vulmar, in Samer, these many years ago, I had a reputation for gambling despite my religious training. Indeed I am a monk, or rather was, by training if not vocation, though I do not think any holy order would take me now.

But allow me to preach a little sermon if you will: perhaps they shall call it the Sermon of Vengeance. Vengeance drove me from the monastery (well, vengeance and a fat inheritance; don't let them tell you monks are not a greedy lot in this day and age) when my father was killed. That death remains unsatisfied, but there is nothing to be done about it now. At any rate, it was vengeance which eventually drove me from my native Boulogne, as well, and into the arms of the English.

In England, it was the vengeful temper of that good King John, my friend and patron, which granted me thirty galleys to attack Normandy, his holdings there having been recently lost. The king's vengeance, and my own, drove me to spill even the blood of my own countrymen, as I chased them down the coast of Normandy and about the islands of the Channel, driving them from Jersey and Guernsey, and from this blessed isle of Sark where I make my home. We are all English now, so I am told.

They say I am more myth than man these days, and truly perhaps it is so. It is good sport to be a pirate in the Channel, to prey on rich merchantmen with the blessing of the King. But there is a high price for such things.

Trickery and wickedness, it is true, I learned after my father's death. I learned to lie and sneak and flatter that I might make my way in the world. But I would not have been so spurred were it not for other knowledge already acquired when I reached the monastery as a young man. I have studied the dark arts, you see, the wickedest magic in Spain, at the knee of the masters of Toledo. I have learned the summoning of demons and the binding of souls. Did you think my rule here in the Channel was simply an accident of fate? The devil keeps me, my friends, him and his black vengeance, and so long as I am in the favours of England the devil will see ships delivered wholesale to my piracy.

They say that none live long who live ill-intentioned. I believe I shall prove them wrong, but at the end of my days the devil will collect. Thus, meanwhile, I will live happily and do as I please. I will have food and gambling, music and wine, and rob the merchants at my leisure. It is a good life, while it is to me.

Now, if you pass through Boulogne on your travels, for surely you seem uneasy to rest here, ask about the disposition of the man Hainfrois de Heresinghen. If you encounter him and do him ill you will have done me a great pleasure. And you may say to him, if you act, that you were sent by Eustace, the Black Monk, whose father he slew so many years ago.

The Devil and I will thank you.


Well, it's talk like a pirate day, not talk like every pirate day.

At the age of twenty-five I was crossing the Aegean, on my way to Rhodes to study there with the rhetorician Apollonius Molon (who had previously taught Cicero) when we were beset by pirates.

They were Cilician by origin and fierce fighters, and having captured our ship proceeded to imprison myself and my fellows on Pharmacusa, in the Dodecanese prefecture. Far from fearing for my life, I felt these peasant brutes lacked style and learning; they said they were bound to ransom me for twenty talents of silver, which at the time was nothing short of an insult. I told them to ask for fifty.

Pharmacusa is not at all unpleasant, and our prison was, as it were, the entirety of the island. I saw no point or gain from sulking or cowering; indeed, these were active men such as myself and I felt no compunction in joining in their society, not simply as participant but as leader. The inherent superiority of the noble-born Roman soon made itself manifest. In matters of naval concern, I was supreme. In matters of political strategy, none could best me, and in physical feats of trial I did, at least, show the Roman spirit of competition.

I entertained fond thoughts of a life of piracy, if I could but have a little more education amongst the men (I tried; they did not appreciate my poetry, though my rhetoric, as always, was well-received). I think I should have done quite well as a pirate king.

For thirty-eight days, then, Iulius lived as a pirate, while my fellows who had been released raised the ransom from Miletus. Having been freed and brought to Miletus, my thoughts naturally turned towards my happy imprisonment on Pharmacusa; with which impetus, I raised a fleet from the port and returned to Pharmacusa where we took the ships, imprisoned the men, and confiscated all property as spoils of war. They were later executed, on my order.

They would have done no less to us; they were pirates, after all. Had the ransom not been paid, my life would have been forfeit. I warned them many times that I would see them hanged when I was freed. I suspect they didn't believe me. Perhaps they thought it was simply boyish high spirits.

Still, I think fondly of my days of piracy on Pharmacusa. I yet consider myself to be one of their stripe; I, too -- I, Gaius Iulius Caesar -- take what I please through superior force of arms and tactics.

Well, it is the pirate way.

What? It's talk like a pirate day, not talk like every pirate day. I think Julius Caesar qualifies.

Good morrow to ye & bore da. Wilt have Tea or Beer? As for myself, I prefer Tea; in Pembrokshire where I was Rear'd we acquired more taste for it. O yes, Cymru am byth, but I will take a Welsh ship as Easily as another. What country have Men at Sea?

As it be said that if thou must be Vengeful, let it be a swift and thorough Vengeance, if thou must take up with Outcasts, it were better to command than to be a Common Man & if thou will be a Common Man it were better to be an Outcast than serve "Honestly" shipboard.

So-called Honest Pay is low & the work is hard for the eventual saiety & pleasure of merchantmen, not those who labour. If a Man want pleasure & leisure for himself he needs must be a merchantman or a Pyrate & at least a Pyrate does not deny that their hands are dipp'd in the mud.

Not six weeks ere I was brought aboard the Royal James as Captive Navigator I was made Captain of the Royal Rover, our late Captain Davis being shot off the Isle of Princes (now called by some Principe). In accordance with solid Practice the Isle of Princes was plundered by my crew to Great Effect & I was acclaim'd "Proof from Bullets", Sailors being superstitious men.

This shewn to be my calling, I have set out to take a great number of Ships and done so with Goodwill towards my men & the Righteous Disdain for those captains which, calling themselves Honest, have been Cowards & Scoundrels &etc. when faced by honest Pyrates. I would rather lose to the Courageous than conquer the weak, but whence come such Men? Show me & there I will go.

I am John Roberts, call'd Bartholomew, & thou art aboard the Royal Fortune.



Tea? Da iawn! I like thee already.

What? It's talk like a pirate day. I picked Black Bart.