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Mar. 1st, 2012 07:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cblj_backupSpeaking of poutine....
So I decided to read the newest reboot of the comic book Alpha Flight, which is Canada's answer to the Avengers. It's very recent, and I think had something to do with the Civil War event, but it's fuzzy at this point.
I have to warn you guys, if you like Alpha Flight...you probably don't want to read this.
We're cruel people.
We, being myself, Claire,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
amand_r, and spiderine, with a cameo from gypsylady.
Sam: I'm going to read ALPHA FLIGHT.
Claire: Why is this happening to me? I'm a good person!!!!
Sam: I should note, this is just the recent eight-issue run. After that it was cancelled. Again.
Requisite "Fassbender Smoking" to open the festivities:
Introducing Alpha Flight
Claire: From wikipedia: "Though reluctant to take the job, John Byrne wrote and drew the series for 28 issues before handing it off to another creative team."
JOHN BYRNE HATED THIS SHIT TOO
Mandr: YES. YES HE DID.
Sam: The comic is weirdly well-lit. All the Avengers comics are like DARK ROOMS AND SHADOWS and Alpha Flight is like BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT ALL THE TIME, BOUNCING OFF THE SNOW.
Claire: Why are they in the SNOW, Sam? X-Men takes place in New York we have the same weather as NEW YORK
Northstar and Aurora:
Sam: Northstar is gay AND delivers smackdowns in Quebecois!
Claire: He's Quebecois too??? Is his signature move playing with a wooden marionette?
Mandr: HE HAS A TWIN SISTER, AURORA!
SHE IS NOT GAY, NEWSFLASH.
"On Alpha Flight's first mission, Aurora aided in combating the X-Men to capture Wolverine. With Northstar, she battled Deadly Ernest. [...] Aurora was captured by Gilded Lily, but was rescued by Sasquatch, who began to suspect that she was manifesting a third personality. With Northstar, she battled Pink Pearl."
Claire: Deadly Ernest, Gilded Lily, Pink Pearl
What is wrong with us.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH US!!!
Sam: Deadly Ernest is funny, though. I'd read a Deadpool-style comic about Deadly Ernest.
The Name Game:
Sam: Claire, I hate to tell you this, but Alpha Flight is so, so boring. One of their big nemeses, apparently, is a villain called Purple Woman. Because she is Purple.
Claire: OF COURSE THEY ARE BORING
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THIS
NOBODY NAMED AURORA OR NORTHSTAR CAN BE INTERESTING
I can't choose which name is the worst, Puck, Sasquatch, Snowbird
THEY ARE ALL SO BAD
"Puck: Eugene Judd is a dwarf bouncer from Saskatoon with enhanced strength and extraordinary acrobatic abilities."
Oh god I'm offended by proxy.
Sam: Puck has just appeared in the comic. Apparently he came back from hell.
PUCK WENT TO HELL
ROLL THAT PHRASE AROUND ON YOUR TONGUE
Claire: "Manbot: Bernie Lechenay is a human/Box robot cyborg."
Half .. box ... ??
"Snowbird: Also known as Narya, she is an Inuit demi-goddess from Yellowknife, who can transform into animals of the north."
HOW IS THAT USEFUL???? I mean animals of the north. Like, a ptarmigan????
Spider: I suppose she does a lot of polar bears and wolves. And whatever photogenic hawks you got up there for flying purposes.
Claire: But, other mutants should be able to quickly blast a wolf or polar bear. Also wolves are scared of people!!!
If she could turn into ice at least that would be useful, like ice man!
Spider: This is a comic book. In comic books, women who turn into "animals of the north" can behave however the hell they want.
Claire: It be easier to stop her though -- even humans could stop her! That's not much of a power, to turn into something lower on the food chain than a human!!!
Oh there's a mutant named Wendigo? Listen now ----------- I don't fuck with wendigo stories -- I don't even say the word.
That's not funny and shouldn't be in the comics books
Not Prankin':
Claire: I HOPE YOU DIDN'T SPEND MONEY ON THIS SAM
Mandr: Yeah, seriously, I worked in a comic book store, and read everything for free, and even I didn't read Alpha Flight.
Claire: I can't cringe enough!!!!!! Are you pranking me????
Why would anybody make this -- who would buy this? There are not enough Canadians for a book about Canadians!!!
What was Marvel's plan here????
Sam: Sasquatch played American Pro Football.
I would not prank you like this. I don't think I have this much imagination.
Spider: Sam, why are you reading this in the first place? Did I miss something? Please tell me you are not writing anything about this. Or even NEAR this. Please don't write anything in proximity to this, unless it's absolute unfettered crack.
Sam: I'm reading it mainly to torment Claire. Believe me, I'm not sure even my elite canon-rewrite skills could fix this.
Claire: Let's not discourage creativity - If Sam wants to put a scene where Puck, the dwarf from Saskatoon, watches Captain American and Iron Man fucking, that's his right as an author!!!
Sam: Puck and Marinna are doing it, I think. She's a black-eyed alien with green coral growing out of her boobs, he's a little person freshly returned from hell. What's not to love?
Spider: I DIDN'T NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE!
Eh?
Sam: OH MY GOD THEY HAVE A PLOTLINE CALLED BORN ON THE FIRST OF JULY
Claire: And yet NONE of these characters are lumberjacks.
Spider: And yet, they're okay!
Evil PM:
Sam: Claire, also in this issue of the comic, it appears the Prime Minister might be a superhero.
Claire: Oh well.
If our Prime Minister is a superhero that's probably why all the sweet-sweeet freedom was in Canada.
Come to Canada, we don't register mutants here because we're reasonable people who don't allow inventors of robot suits to become wildly, almost comically, important!
Sam: Apparently the PM is a supervillain, not a superhero.
Claire: LOL the PM is a supervillain, what is his power????
Sam: He has a machine that brainwashes you!
Claire: That's nicely super-villainish. I approve.
That Other Claire:
Sam: I don't know her name, Ms. Maple Leaf I guess? Anyway she just blew the heads off her child's godparents because they wouldn't relinquish custody of her baby. I think she's gone evil.
Claire: HER BABY IS NAMED CLAIRE!!!!!
"Master of the World begins his attack on Parliament Hill with Agent Jeff Brown and Claire Hudson present in his spaceship...The series was cancelled after eight issues."
CLAIRE WAS BORN ON THE FIRST OF JULY
OMFG she's reading a book upsidedown I bet she doesn't even have a mutant power. Fuck this baby!!!
Sam: Claire, your namesake is kind of a sociopath.
Claire: HA HA HA HA I'm awesome!!!!
RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL MUTANT SON:
Sam: Actually Alpha Flight was just framed for treason and are running to the US to find the one man...the one who can call on mutants and superheroes alike...the one who can save them....
Wolverine.
Also Puck is worried he can't get a decent poutine in the US.
Claire: HE DID NOT REFERENCE POUTINE
Sam: And they just drove past, I am not lying, "Sam's American Grill". YOU'RE IN THE U.S. NOW, PUNKS!
Spider: Has anyone said, "eh"? Or apologized or been extremely polite? HAVE THEY EATEN NANAIMO BARS?
Claire: Clearly only Wolverine can save them now!
Does Wolverine live in Professor X's house as per the movies, or does he roam America on a motorcycle, or does he live in the woods?
Sam: I'm not sure. I think I may have missed an issue but they're back in Canada now. As far as I can tell they didn't actually find Wolverine?
OH WOLVERINE JUST SHOWED UP
Claire: HA HA HA HA Wolverine and his passport <3
Sam: Wolverine just showed up IN THE WOODS and went straight for A MOTORCYCLE.
Oh, Canada.
Claire: Okay I have to ask, who is supposedly reading this comic book because clearly it was not successful with anybody in any country:
"The team was originally merely a part of the backstory of the X-Men’s Wolverine but, in 1983, Byrne launched an eponymous series featuring the group, which continued until 1994. Four short-lived revivals have been attempted since."
LOLOLOL "attempted revivals" - may I suggest QUITTING
Sam: They have a little asterisk with a translation into imperial every time someone uses a metric measurement.
Cool Characters:
Sam: Sasquatch is kind of cool looking when he's not all sasquatched out.
LOL so the rundown is:
Cool Characters: Claire Hudson, Sasquatch when he looks non-sasquatchy, Northstar, Northstar's boyfriend
Uncool Characters: EVERYONE ELSE
Claire: You only put Northstar in the cool category because he's gay - that's reverse prejudice! That's .. pro ...judice ..
Sam: No Northstar is legit awesome! He has manpain!
Non-sasquatchy Sasquatch, failing to get into Aurora's pants:
Claire: He's cute!!!! He doesn't look like an ape at all LOL
LOL that they are clearly in the woods
A DEBT UNPAID:
Claire: LOL this afternoon on tv was Spiderman and X-men cartoons. The X-men episode was Wolverine was tricked to go to Canada where he was captured by the intensely embarrassing Alpha Flight ... who tortured him with science at the Department of Canada Ministry for some reason.
Also Vindicator and Wolverine hated each other and kept screaming at each other about stuff. Then all the other Alpha Flight members rebelled to save Wolverine, in lame ways like turning into snowy owls and knocking over robots. Vindicator wore a maple leaf on his unitard and got beat up really bad by Wolverine.
And then Wolverine told Alpha Flight he hated them and escaped to America.
Before Amandr and Sam I didn't know what Alpha Flight was and I was happy
Before Amandr and Sam I didn't even notice comic books
You guys owe me something!!! I am not sure what but something.
And That Was Alpha Flight:
Mandr: I still hold that there are many Canadian superheroes that don't suck. Wolverine, for instance.
Claire: Oh right he's the exception that proves the rule. He basically is the only superhero we need.
Sam: Can't hear you, too busy hoping ALPHA FLIGHT gets another attempt at a reboot. We need more people in sparkly maple leaf costumes.
Claire: I need leverage over you to mock you. Chicago must have a stupid superhero of some sort.
Gypsy: Take your pick, Claire! http://technorati.com/entertainment/article/top-10-superheroes-of-chicago/
Sam: FUCK YEAH WE GOT COMMISSIONER GORDON
I rest my case.
So I decided to read the newest reboot of the comic book Alpha Flight, which is Canada's answer to the Avengers. It's very recent, and I think had something to do with the Civil War event, but it's fuzzy at this point.
I have to warn you guys, if you like Alpha Flight...you probably don't want to read this.
We're cruel people.
We, being myself, Claire,
amand_r, and spiderine, with a cameo from gypsylady.Sam: I'm going to read ALPHA FLIGHT.
Claire: Why is this happening to me? I'm a good person!!!!
Sam: I should note, this is just the recent eight-issue run. After that it was cancelled. Again.
Requisite "Fassbender Smoking" to open the festivities:
Introducing Alpha Flight
Claire: From wikipedia: "Though reluctant to take the job, John Byrne wrote and drew the series for 28 issues before handing it off to another creative team."
JOHN BYRNE HATED THIS SHIT TOO
Mandr: YES. YES HE DID.
Sam: The comic is weirdly well-lit. All the Avengers comics are like DARK ROOMS AND SHADOWS and Alpha Flight is like BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT ALL THE TIME, BOUNCING OFF THE SNOW.
Claire: Why are they in the SNOW, Sam? X-Men takes place in New York we have the same weather as NEW YORK
Northstar and Aurora:
Sam: Northstar is gay AND delivers smackdowns in Quebecois!
Claire: He's Quebecois too??? Is his signature move playing with a wooden marionette?
Mandr: HE HAS A TWIN SISTER, AURORA!
SHE IS NOT GAY, NEWSFLASH.
"On Alpha Flight's first mission, Aurora aided in combating the X-Men to capture Wolverine. With Northstar, she battled Deadly Ernest. [...] Aurora was captured by Gilded Lily, but was rescued by Sasquatch, who began to suspect that she was manifesting a third personality. With Northstar, she battled Pink Pearl."
Claire: Deadly Ernest, Gilded Lily, Pink Pearl
What is wrong with us.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH US!!!
Sam: Deadly Ernest is funny, though. I'd read a Deadpool-style comic about Deadly Ernest.
The Name Game:
Sam: Claire, I hate to tell you this, but Alpha Flight is so, so boring. One of their big nemeses, apparently, is a villain called Purple Woman. Because she is Purple.
Claire: OF COURSE THEY ARE BORING
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THIS
NOBODY NAMED AURORA OR NORTHSTAR CAN BE INTERESTING
I can't choose which name is the worst, Puck, Sasquatch, Snowbird
THEY ARE ALL SO BAD
"Puck: Eugene Judd is a dwarf bouncer from Saskatoon with enhanced strength and extraordinary acrobatic abilities."
Oh god I'm offended by proxy.
Sam: Puck has just appeared in the comic. Apparently he came back from hell.
PUCK WENT TO HELL
ROLL THAT PHRASE AROUND ON YOUR TONGUE
Claire: "Manbot: Bernie Lechenay is a human/Box robot cyborg."
Half .. box ... ??
"Snowbird: Also known as Narya, she is an Inuit demi-goddess from Yellowknife, who can transform into animals of the north."
HOW IS THAT USEFUL???? I mean animals of the north. Like, a ptarmigan????
Spider: I suppose she does a lot of polar bears and wolves. And whatever photogenic hawks you got up there for flying purposes.
Claire: But, other mutants should be able to quickly blast a wolf or polar bear. Also wolves are scared of people!!!
If she could turn into ice at least that would be useful, like ice man!
Spider: This is a comic book. In comic books, women who turn into "animals of the north" can behave however the hell they want.
Claire: It be easier to stop her though -- even humans could stop her! That's not much of a power, to turn into something lower on the food chain than a human!!!
Oh there's a mutant named Wendigo? Listen now ----------- I don't fuck with wendigo stories -- I don't even say the word.
That's not funny and shouldn't be in the comics books
Not Prankin':
Claire: I HOPE YOU DIDN'T SPEND MONEY ON THIS SAM
Mandr: Yeah, seriously, I worked in a comic book store, and read everything for free, and even I didn't read Alpha Flight.
Claire: I can't cringe enough!!!!!! Are you pranking me????
Why would anybody make this -- who would buy this? There are not enough Canadians for a book about Canadians!!!
What was Marvel's plan here????
Sam: Sasquatch played American Pro Football.
I would not prank you like this. I don't think I have this much imagination.
Spider: Sam, why are you reading this in the first place? Did I miss something? Please tell me you are not writing anything about this. Or even NEAR this. Please don't write anything in proximity to this, unless it's absolute unfettered crack.
Sam: I'm reading it mainly to torment Claire. Believe me, I'm not sure even my elite canon-rewrite skills could fix this.
Claire: Let's not discourage creativity - If Sam wants to put a scene where Puck, the dwarf from Saskatoon, watches Captain American and Iron Man fucking, that's his right as an author!!!
Sam: Puck and Marinna are doing it, I think. She's a black-eyed alien with green coral growing out of her boobs, he's a little person freshly returned from hell. What's not to love?
Spider: I DIDN'T NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE!
Eh?
Sam: OH MY GOD THEY HAVE A PLOTLINE CALLED BORN ON THE FIRST OF JULY
Claire: And yet NONE of these characters are lumberjacks.
Spider: And yet, they're okay!
Evil PM:
Sam: Claire, also in this issue of the comic, it appears the Prime Minister might be a superhero.
Claire: Oh well.
If our Prime Minister is a superhero that's probably why all the sweet-sweeet freedom was in Canada.
Come to Canada, we don't register mutants here because we're reasonable people who don't allow inventors of robot suits to become wildly, almost comically, important!
Sam: Apparently the PM is a supervillain, not a superhero.
Claire: LOL the PM is a supervillain, what is his power????
Sam: He has a machine that brainwashes you!
Claire: That's nicely super-villainish. I approve.
That Other Claire:
Sam: I don't know her name, Ms. Maple Leaf I guess? Anyway she just blew the heads off her child's godparents because they wouldn't relinquish custody of her baby. I think she's gone evil.
Claire: HER BABY IS NAMED CLAIRE!!!!!
"Master of the World begins his attack on Parliament Hill with Agent Jeff Brown and Claire Hudson present in his spaceship...The series was cancelled after eight issues."
CLAIRE WAS BORN ON THE FIRST OF JULY
OMFG she's reading a book upsidedown I bet she doesn't even have a mutant power. Fuck this baby!!!
Sam: Claire, your namesake is kind of a sociopath.
Claire: HA HA HA HA I'm awesome!!!!
RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL MUTANT SON:
Sam: Actually Alpha Flight was just framed for treason and are running to the US to find the one man...the one who can call on mutants and superheroes alike...the one who can save them....
Wolverine.
Also Puck is worried he can't get a decent poutine in the US.
Claire: HE DID NOT REFERENCE POUTINE
Sam: And they just drove past, I am not lying, "Sam's American Grill". YOU'RE IN THE U.S. NOW, PUNKS!
Spider: Has anyone said, "eh"? Or apologized or been extremely polite? HAVE THEY EATEN NANAIMO BARS?
Claire: Clearly only Wolverine can save them now!
Does Wolverine live in Professor X's house as per the movies, or does he roam America on a motorcycle, or does he live in the woods?
Sam: I'm not sure. I think I may have missed an issue but they're back in Canada now. As far as I can tell they didn't actually find Wolverine?
OH WOLVERINE JUST SHOWED UP
Claire: HA HA HA HA Wolverine and his passport <3
Sam: Wolverine just showed up IN THE WOODS and went straight for A MOTORCYCLE.
Oh, Canada.
Claire: Okay I have to ask, who is supposedly reading this comic book because clearly it was not successful with anybody in any country:
"The team was originally merely a part of the backstory of the X-Men’s Wolverine but, in 1983, Byrne launched an eponymous series featuring the group, which continued until 1994. Four short-lived revivals have been attempted since."
LOLOLOL "attempted revivals" - may I suggest QUITTING
Sam: They have a little asterisk with a translation into imperial every time someone uses a metric measurement.
Cool Characters:
Sam: Sasquatch is kind of cool looking when he's not all sasquatched out.
LOL so the rundown is:
Cool Characters: Claire Hudson, Sasquatch when he looks non-sasquatchy, Northstar, Northstar's boyfriend
Uncool Characters: EVERYONE ELSE
Claire: You only put Northstar in the cool category because he's gay - that's reverse prejudice! That's .. pro ...judice ..
Sam: No Northstar is legit awesome! He has manpain!
Non-sasquatchy Sasquatch, failing to get into Aurora's pants:
Claire: He's cute!!!! He doesn't look like an ape at all LOL
LOL that they are clearly in the woods
A DEBT UNPAID:
Claire: LOL this afternoon on tv was Spiderman and X-men cartoons. The X-men episode was Wolverine was tricked to go to Canada where he was captured by the intensely embarrassing Alpha Flight ... who tortured him with science at the Department of Canada Ministry for some reason.
Also Vindicator and Wolverine hated each other and kept screaming at each other about stuff. Then all the other Alpha Flight members rebelled to save Wolverine, in lame ways like turning into snowy owls and knocking over robots. Vindicator wore a maple leaf on his unitard and got beat up really bad by Wolverine.
And then Wolverine told Alpha Flight he hated them and escaped to America.
Before Amandr and Sam I didn't know what Alpha Flight was and I was happy
Before Amandr and Sam I didn't even notice comic books
You guys owe me something!!! I am not sure what but something.
And That Was Alpha Flight:
Mandr: I still hold that there are many Canadian superheroes that don't suck. Wolverine, for instance.
Claire: Oh right he's the exception that proves the rule. He basically is the only superhero we need.
Sam: Can't hear you, too busy hoping ALPHA FLIGHT gets another attempt at a reboot. We need more people in sparkly maple leaf costumes.
Claire: I need leverage over you to mock you. Chicago must have a stupid superhero of some sort.
Gypsy: Take your pick, Claire! http://technorati.com/entertainment/article/top-10-superheroes-of-chicago/
Sam: FUCK YEAH WE GOT COMMISSIONER GORDON
I rest my case.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-03-02 03:39 am (UTC)Just...not in the way we did :D
no subject
Date: 2012-03-02 03:40 am (UTC)I think we might have said something about the Love Shack.