(no subject)

[cblj_backup]

Awkward Coworker loves red Starburst. Actually everyone in the office loves the red and pink Starburst, as evidenced by the fact that my candy bowl ends up being a mixture of Werther's hard candies, caramels, and yellow and orange Starburst chews because all the red and pink ones have been picked out.

Awkward Coworker: Hey! I found a red one!
Sam: Ahaha, a treasure! I can't believe I always end up with orange and yellow. I should be able to buy just red and pink.
Awkward Coworker: On the website, maybe?
Sam: Maybe, but Financial Operations has forbidden me from buying candy on the corporate card. They say it's not allowed.
Awkward Coworker: They what now?
Sam: I can only buy candy from Staples with a purchase order, because then it's considered "office supplies".
Awkward Coworker: You know what you should do? You should sell the orange and yellow ones.
Sam: Sell them?
Awkward Coworker: To make money for more red and pink ones.
Sam: Well. I mean. Standing out on Michigan Avenue...of a summer's day...on my lunch hour...selling yellow Starburst candies.
Awkward Coworker: You could have a sandwich board.
Sam: I bet I'd meet some interesting people.
Awkward Coworker: I bet you'd get arrested.
Sam: Could you sound less happy about that?
Awkward Coworker: It's just the way I sound!

We have actual real conversations now, him and me. It's kind of awesome. I mean we still can't figure out how to say good morning to each other without committing a giant mutual social faux-pas, but on the subject of Starburst we're all good.

Comments

[silverag.livejournal.com]

They have a Starburst collection bag-thingie that's called "Fave-Reds," or something like that. It's four different red and pink Starburst. So much awesome in one bag.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

I want you to know that with this comment you blew the collective minds of my entire department. WE ALL RESEARCHED FAVE-REDS.

[neifile7.livejournal.com]

I WILL TAKE ALL YOUR RED AND ORANGE REJECTS, SAMUEL P. COPPERBADGE.

Bonding via Red 40 and Blue 1 (FDA-approved additives): the best social glue for the office-ially awkward!

[bluejeans07.livejournal.com]

Guacamole!

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

It's how I...came....here....

[lusse-kun.livejournal.com]

I wonder how much candy were you buying that Financial Operations forbade you to keep on doing it?

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

ONCE. I bought ONE bag of candy, they're like a team of ninjas in F-ops. They were like "WE CANNOT REIMBURSE YOU FOR CANDY DISH SNACKS. You have to say they were for a meeting!"

Yeah, a meeting with MY MOUTH!

[shadowturquoise.livejournal.com]

There are people out there who actually like the red and pink ones? My office picks out and eats the yellow and orange then leave all the rest behind. It sounds like my office and yours together could polish off a bag perfectly.

[kit-maxel.livejournal.com]

You could do an exchange! (The yellow ones are my favorites.)

[leighblack.livejournal.com]

They sell bags of only red/pink Starburst now! The FaveReds bags. They're all cherry, strawberry, watermelon and fruit punch. Best discovery ever!

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

We're all a little afraid of "fruit punch", not gonna lie.

[metalnurse.livejournal.com]

but, but, but Werther's is the BEST! You can just send them all to me. A piece of home is always welcome here.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Oh, we all like Werther's, I just get a much bigger bag of those from Staples. :D

[nieseryjna.livejournal.com]

uhuh you can always post on craiglist "candies switch - I'll give you yellow and orange Starbust candies for red and pink" I wonder how many offers would you get

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, this sounds like a hilarious short story. Like some kind of terrible fruity drug deal.

[aelfgyfu_mead]

I love your conversations with Awkward Coworker. They often make me feel better about myself as someone else's Awkward Colleague.

[ladyphoenixia.livejournal.com]

My whole family can't stand the red ones, they always end up piled in a little stack while all the others are gone. (I don't understand you Americans and cherry flavour, i don't like any cherry-flavoured lollies, they all taste like medicine...)

[oraien.livejournal.com]

I'm an american and I can't understand everyone's obsession with cherry flavoring either. It tastes like medicine to me too.

[cluegirl.livejournal.com]

For your own good. Because the best writers always look out for examples that can help them improve...
http://cluegirl.livejournal.com/1444833.html

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

DICK ATTACK!

I am humbled and awed.

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

Awww, CA is my favorite member of your Justice League. If you could tell him that one of your internet people feels that way about him without it being totally awkward, you should.

but then again, as he is Coworker Awkward, maybe it doesn't matter if that is awkward or not.

...Is this a koan? Like if Corworker Awkward is being awkward, does anyone notice?

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

I totally read this as "Captain America is my favorite of the Justice League" and I was like "Wait, but isn't he....what?" for a full FIVE MINUTES. :D

[twirlynoodle.livejournal.com]

If I worked in your office I would single-handedly return balance to the candy dish.

Also, Awkward Coworker now sounds like Arthur Shappey (http://youtu.be/eSQ_bfNKVXY?t=6m5s) in my head.

[twirlynoodle.livejournal.com]

Ummm this is the quote I was actually looking for (http://youtu.be/eSQ_bfNKVXY?t=10m54s) I will go away now.

[chandri.livejournal.com]

Damn it all, Sam, you are just making me ship Sam/Awkward Co-Worker MORE with all this gradually-increasing social aptitude.

Also, I will totally take those orange Starburst off your hands. Y'know, if you're looking for a good home for them. (*only likes the orange ones*)

[rednwhiterose.livejournal.com]

I've seen bags of the Red, Pink and Maroon Starburst Jelly Beans. Does that count?

[minkrose]

Okay, the starburst jelly beans are pretty much the best thing ever. I've gone through two bags so far this spring.

[mysid.livejournal.com]

The best thing about orange Starburst is that with just a little creative modeling, you can make them into faux sliced carrots as part of an April Fool's Day dinner. I did it a few times for my kids: faux carrots, faux meatloaf (http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/rice-cereal-meat-loaf-714999/), and faux mashed potatoes (scoops of vanilla ice cream).

The yellow ones? The perfect pats of butter on faux mashed potatoes.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

THIS IS GENIUS. I love food that looks like other food!

[sinick.livejournal.com]

Just as well I don't work there. ALL the caramels would be gone, and I would be spherical.

[stephani673.livejournal.com]

You and Awkward Co-Worker are the Lestrade-Watson or the Sherlock-Mrs. Hudson of your company.

Could you buy a bag with all the flavors and then just donate the yellows and oranges* to charity? Expense the candy for the tax write-off? ;) "No, really, I'm saving us THOUSANDS of pennies!"


*Which I loooooove. Dammit, now I want Starburst.

[calliope-jones.livejournal.com]

Awkward bonding! It's awesome when comfortably awkward at work. The lab I work in embraces crazy and awkward so there are a lot of very odd conversations with abrupt departures and interjections. An added bonus is that not everyone speaks English that well, so that makes everything that much more hilarious. (Imagine trying to explain 'fluffer' to your non-American boss)
I pretty much got hired for being weird.

[light-of-summer.livejournal.com]

OK, this? Made me laugh. :D

Sam: I bet I'd meet some interesting people.
Awkward Coworker: I bet you'd get arrested.
Sam: Could you sound less happy about that?
Awkward Coworker: It's just the way I sound!

[kadharonon.livejournal.com]

I will take all your oranges and yellows. They remind me of orange sherbet.

[oaktree89.livejournal.com]

Somewhere, someone is shipping you and Awkward Coworker.

ETA: Aaand I was apparently right! Wow.

[jonaht.livejournal.com]

You are the manager, yes? You may be interested in knowing that today is Companies That Care Day. Or not. http://www.companies-that-care.org/action/caredays/why-caredays

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

LOL, this sounds suspiciously like a TEAM BONDING day.