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Dec. 8th, 2012 03:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cblj_backupI know I've been quiet lately. Some of it is that I haven't been, you know, doing much; work is really busy and when I get home I'm really tired. My parents are still dealing with Mama Tickey's estate, which is turning out (as I suspected) to have a lot more fallout than anyone else thought it would. Also Bernard is having issues, shocker, and so Mum's preoccupied with that and I'm preoccupied with supporting her and Lucky, who is still grieving very profoundly.
Some of it too is that the depression I posted about back in, christ, October I think, is still lingering. Some weeks it's rougher than others. I'm okay; nothing I can't manage, but managing it takes time and energy. Depression often means that you're okay to do stuff but only the stuff you want to do; not the stuff you ought to do or the stuff an ordinary person would do. So you blow people off but you spend hours reading, or you can't run errands but you're perfectly fine to play a video game. It kind of makes me a little sociopathic, and emulating a normal human response to life is also wearying.
It's why what you're seeing on the journal right now is a lot of "rote" stuff -- Radio Free Monday, the weekly photo post, fanfic posts, the weekly recc post. I only had one this week so I didn't post it, but I will next week. I don't, also, recc everything that I read and stash away; recc'ing all the stuff that I like because it turns me on is a little too tour-of-the-id sometimes, and my id's not the prettiest or most socially acceptable place right now.
Anyway, habitual posts are easier, especially when like RFM they're a fairly serious duty.
I want to reiterate that I am okay, I'm not sitting alone in a dark room staring at the walls and my performance at work hasn't suffered. I am socializing and I get out at least once a week to R's gig. I'm eating and walking around and being human. I'm just very tired from doing all that.
Some of it too is that the depression I posted about back in, christ, October I think, is still lingering. Some weeks it's rougher than others. I'm okay; nothing I can't manage, but managing it takes time and energy. Depression often means that you're okay to do stuff but only the stuff you want to do; not the stuff you ought to do or the stuff an ordinary person would do. So you blow people off but you spend hours reading, or you can't run errands but you're perfectly fine to play a video game. It kind of makes me a little sociopathic, and emulating a normal human response to life is also wearying.
It's why what you're seeing on the journal right now is a lot of "rote" stuff -- Radio Free Monday, the weekly photo post, fanfic posts, the weekly recc post. I only had one this week so I didn't post it, but I will next week. I don't, also, recc everything that I read and stash away; recc'ing all the stuff that I like because it turns me on is a little too tour-of-the-id sometimes, and my id's not the prettiest or most socially acceptable place right now.
Anyway, habitual posts are easier, especially when like RFM they're a fairly serious duty.
I want to reiterate that I am okay, I'm not sitting alone in a dark room staring at the walls and my performance at work hasn't suffered. I am socializing and I get out at least once a week to R's gig. I'm eating and walking around and being human. I'm just very tired from doing all that.
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no subject
Date: 2012-12-11 09:24 pm (UTC)Do you mind if I quote you on my Tumblr? I'd credit it to Sam Starbuck and link to the journal only if you wanted me to. If you'd prefer I not, I totally understand. I've done some blogging about making my way through depression myself and I thought this quote was a really helpful description.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-14 07:45 pm (UTC)