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Okay, this might be the most embarrassing thing I have ever done in my sleep, and the only reason I'm blogging it is that I'm waiting for the Aleve to kick in.

This story starts with chili.

It starts with me dreaming that I'm at a cafe eating the most amazing chili ever, which is weird to begin with because I don't actually like chili all that much (too many suspiciously vegetable-like items are involved). And as I'm eating this chili, I hear a siren go, and someone says 'Don't worry, they don't tow cars with permits in white-out conditions'. NB: it is 99% likely what I heard was a train passing.

Anyway, I don't know if my dream car has a permit or not, so I snap to attention as I am swallowing some chili.

Several things happen.

First, I wake up. Second, my 'snap to attention' involves a sharp inhale. Third, while I am not normally a drooler in my sleep, the sharp inhale sucks what I can only imagine is a large amount of drool, with an audible slurping noise, back into my mouth and into the back of my throat.

Where I of course, in the process of inhaling, choke on it.

Now at this point I am only semi-conscious, just enough to know that the chili was a lie. I am not prepared for the epic choke-cough-wheeze fit that comes over me, however, and as I flail back into something approaching lucidity I fall off the bed.

But I can't fall off the bed like a normal person, because there's a bedside table in the way and my bed is very low, so what I actually do is grab hold of the railings in the headboard and shoot my ass and legs out of bed in some kind of horizontal gymnastic maneuver that ends with me landing on my right knee while my upper body is still on the mattress.

Look, I would spread my arms at the sky and shout HOW HAVE I OFFENDED THEE, but I think the god who's angry with me is Gravity, and I'm not sure there's anything to be done.

I've got the knee elevated and I've taken anti-inflammatories, and it doesn't feel broken; if it's swollen in the morning I'll stop by the Michigan Avenue clinic on my way to work. They probably know me on sight, by now.

And I don't even have any damn chili.

It's only two am and already this day is FIRED.

(no subject)

Proper good morning to everyone. I am alive, I am at work, I'm pretty sure nothing's broken. My knee hurts and has a GIGANTIC BRUISE, but there's very little swelling, so I think I got off lightly. If by "get off lightly" one means "got four hours of sleep".

Nobody make any getting-off jokes, I'm too doped up on painkillers to enjoy them.

I finally got round to seeing Iron Man the film (just in time for Iron Man II to come out and me to ignore it!) and I have several observations to make:

1. Not enough Jarvis.
2. I was linked to some fanfic to remedy my feeling of Not Enough Jarvis, and sometimes he's Jarvis and sometimes he's JARVIS, and when I see the latter I want to ship him with the TARDIS, which is an epic love story in capslock waiting to happen.
3. In reference to #2, I said that it would require either the TARDIS landing in Stark's mansion or Iron Man walking onto the TARDIS, both of which are kind of ridiculous. juniper200 replied Or it could be on a street in New York, strangely unharmed by a giant superhero battle. Jarvis scans. TARDIS wonders who's feeling her up. to which I of course answered Love at first byte. Look, I'm not proud, okay?
3a. I was surprisingly more engaged in this film than I expected to be, and especially enjoyed the dialogue. Large explosions in plenteous amounts are still very boring, however.

Bits and Pieces; Torchwood/Doctor Who

Sam's fanfiction archive has moved. The story formerly found here may now be found at:

http://sam-storyteller.dreamwidth.org/144989.html

Thank you for your patience!

(no subject)

So, I was cleaning out my files the other day and came across an entire folder of story-starts that had never gone anywhere. Some of them might have been worth pursuing, but I'm trying to get my focus more onto original writing, so I thought I'd polish them a little and let them fly and then not worry about them anymore.

With these off my plate, the only fanfic I have left running is the new Rulesverse fic (which by its nature has to run while the episodes air, not before) and the White Collar fic I really should be getting back to.

Otherwise it's Charitable Getting and Valet of Anize, and hopefully the lack of distraction will do me good. Just at the moment it's difficult; I've not had much sleep the last few nights and I constantly feel fuzzed. You'd think by now I would be more well-adapted to tolerating eight hours behind a desk, but I get restless and twitchy and then tired more often now than I used to. IDK what's up with that. I'm going to have to find some workarounds.

Anyhow, have some Torchwood fic fragments, with a bit of Doctor Who thrown in for fun.

Title: Bits and Pieces
Ratings: PG/PG-13 for the lot
Stories about the human sex drive, pre-millennium Torchwood, Ianto's thoughts on Jack, Gwen's thoughts on Ianto's thoughts on Jack, housing in Cardiff, blowing up Cardiff, data ghosts, and unexpected visitors.

(no subject)

Omg coworker fail just gave notice. He's gone as of June 15. I wish him a very very happy retirement. I know I will enjoy his retirement thoroughly.

(no subject)

Doctor Who on the El! Chicago embraces its new Over(time)lord!