Sam's Backup Page

It's a very multimedia day :D

I sorted through the photos I and Mum both took at the fair, and tossed up a gallery of the best and most interesting for you to see. For the self-guided tour you can go here, or click the sticks below and keep hitting "next" to go through them in order.

Grabbing a few minutes this morning before I'm supposed to be awake, to update...:D

I would be remiss in recounting last night if I didn't mention the EXPERT in the field of EXPERTISE who caught the bus to the fair with us and told us ALL ABOUT THE FAIR, not to mention about Austin and Chicago, BECAUSE HE IS AN EXPERT. He said the Giant Slide attraction at the Fair makes the most money (highly dubious) and ranted about the misnamed Miracle Of Birth pavilion, because "Hogs don't give birth! They FARROW."

When I found out he was going to the Prairie Home Companion show, I KNEW he would be sitting next to us, but fortunately he was apparently too much of an expert to sit in the plaza level where we were.

One especially nice thing about the performance was that we were allowed to bring food and drink in, so we all got LEMONADES and sat in the gorgeous evening sunset. Keillor also said he specifically taped this show when he did because recording live at 5pm on a Saturday would have resulted in a lot of sunburnt Norwegians. :D

Garrison Keillor was, as previously stated, solid awesome. The weather was amazing and there was a huge full moon, AND unlike we had planned I actually got to sit with Mum and Lucky, because originally I didn't have tickets with them but the people next to them had one person who didn't show. So I got a great view and to LOL with my folks through the show.

Keillor came out and sang a few songs to warm up the crowd, one of which I hope makes it into the show somehow because it was an ODE TO CHEESE CURDS set to the tune of Unchained Melody. I can't recall it perfectly but it went something like

OHHHHH MY LOVE
MY DARLING
I'M HUNGRY FOR
CHEEEEEESE CURDS
THE LINES
ARE LONG!
LENGTHY LINES!

I wasn't especially enamoured of one of his female musical guests, who might have been more impressive if she got more pickup off her mic; as it was we couldn't actually understand what she was singing, just that she really really meant it. :D The woman who sang with Keillor was great though, as was the bluegrass group he had, and of course the All Star Shoe Band.

There was also an entire Guy Noir segment dedicated to the gentle art of the Subjunctive Tense.

At intermission, we did a sing along, including "Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening" to the tune of Hernando's Hideaway:

Whose woods
are these?
I THINK I KNOW!
His house
Is in
THE VILLAGE THOUGH!
He will
Not see
Me stopping here
To watch
THE WOODS FILL UP WITH SNOW!

Solid awesome!

Anyway, we had a great time even if I never got to try cheese curds. You have to save something for next time, is how I choose to look at it. Listen in to the show tonight, at 5pm on your local NPR affiliate. I'll see if I can find a link to the show on the website a little later. Right now I need to shower and finish packing for our 8am bus pickup.

Greetings from LAKE WOBEGON.

By popular request: condom on a stick, accompanied by complimentary shopping list pad courtesy of the pork farmers association.

I am less wall-bouncy today, and can probably be coherent about the fair more so than yesterday. :D

We got up relatively early this morning. I slept well but had very weird dreams. Yesterday I LOLed myself stupid over one particular souvenir for sale, which was a unicorn with a PRIDE RAINBOW HORN. Those familiar with ask_captainjack's fanfiction about Three Gay Unicorns will be especially amused when I eventually post photos. Anyway, I blame the gay unicorns for the dream I had about being responsible for the ENTIRE gay pride program at the Minnesota State Fair. And all I had were my wits and a bunch of inflatable Pride unicorns!

Anyway, we had breakfast at the hotel restaurant where our waiter was one of the Princess Kay finalists at the fair this year, and then took off for the fair early enough that it was just opening as we got there.

I'm glad I convinced the fam to go to the Miracle of Birth barn, because it was MUCH COOLER than they thought it would be, and Mum got to see the baby chicks hatching, which she loves to see. Also, I don't know who among you have seen piglets, but they look so...so...look, I don't want to say this, but they look THROWABLE. They're like tiny furry footballs. I would never throw a piglet! But they look like if you did they'd be totally aerodynamic.

We then saw, as you have no doubt seen, Minnesota's biggest boar, 1300 pounds of pure pig, who Lucky assures me is a stud boar and not a food pig. Because if it's between being bacon and lots of sex....

We did a lot of wandering today, but as the photos have shown we did get a CONE OF COOKIES from Sweet Martha's and some teriyaki ostrich on a stick (tangy but dry). I also snuck away from the 'rents for a moment to buzz the pro choice booth, tell them they were doing a fantastic job, and score some condoms (ALSO ON STICKS). I got handwriting analysis from a hilarious old-fashioned machine with DOT MATRIX printing and then we got MORE FOOD ON STICKS: A pronto pup corndog and a fudge puppy, which is a belgian waffle dunked in chocolate and topped with whipped cream. STICKS VS CONES is currently close, at 4-3. I'm not counting the condoms because you can't eat them.

Otherwise we mostly just mooched around -- we looked at the vendors and the home improvement building, sat and listened to a bit of Garrison Keillor at the MPR booth, rolled our eyes at the incredibly slow walkers.

AND THEN WE WENT ON THE RIVER RIDE, and got very wet butts from the rapids.

It was the best day ever.

AND NOW YOU GUYS OMG WE ARE ORDERING PAPA JOHNS PIZZA. You do not know how I yearn for Papa John's. PAPA JOHN'S. I'm not proud.

BRB DELICIOUS PIZZA OM NOM NOM.

Teriyaki ostrich on a stick. From the Asian food booth run by the Lutherans, lol.

OH YES

Mum is reading through the coupon book we got for the State Fair.

She is not wearing her glasses.

Mum: $2 off a pork tenderloin smoothie? What the hell is a pork tenderloin smoothie?
Sam: Are you sure this isn't another Sushi/Smoothie issue?
Mum: No, look, it very clearly says smoothie! Pork tenderloin smoothie!
Sam: It's pork tenderloin slash smoothie. You can get $2 off one or the other.
Mum: Oh.

*five minutes pass*

Mum: Soft serve cone hash browns! WHAT ARE SOFT SERVE CONE --
Sam: Is there a slash?
Mum: Oh. Yeah there is. *facepalms* DAMN THE SLASH!
Sam: *tries not to lol*
Mum: But think of all the great foods I've invented! Soft serve hash browns!
Sam: I think those are called Mashed Potatoes.
Mum: SHUSH YOU. You could put your pork tenderloin smoothie in your soft serve cone of hash browns!
Sam: And I guarantee someone will eat it. Especially if you put it on a stick.
Mum: Will that someone be you?
Sam: If not me, R definitely will.

Oh god, I'm like a five year old. If I get this out in a coherent story it'll be a miracle.

SO WE WENT TO THE FAIR.

And I was STARVING so the first thing we did was get Fry Dogs at Blue Moon Drive In Diner, which is hilarious you buy the food and then go around back and sit on car seats and watch a movie while you eat. Does anyone know what film the song "7 1/2 Cents" comes from? Because that's what we watched while we NOMMED US SOME FRYDOGS.

Frydogs are hot dogs wrapped in hash browns, basically. I found mine delicious; Lucky was less impressed with his. Mum didn't get one but did like their raspberry lemonade.

Then we went to the cattle barn.

You guys, cows are bigger than I thought. Like, I've seen some cows, but never cows like these. These cows loomed. I'm pretty sure there's some elephant in them. BIG COWS OKAY.

We were looking for the butter sculptures which turned out to be in the dairy exhibit across the fairgrounds, and we didn't stay long because it was hot and Mum wasn't feeling so well. So instead we went to the agricultural building and got HONEY CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM and gawped at produce.

Eventually Mum and Lucky said they wanted to see the Eco Exhibit, which was way north, so we got to see a lot of stuff along the way, like A PARADE. With a puppeteering troupe from Minneapolis, dressed as dung beetles for GREAT LOLZ. There may have been cinnamon-roasted almonds still hot from the roaster, but if you think there are any left you are mistaken, for I have eaten them all.

Traveling with Mum is a little like traveling with a toddler you can't carry when they get tired, so after the Eco Building -- which I found interesting but not especially fascinating -- we trekked back to the shuttlebus to the hotel. I'm leaving out a lot of ooh-ing and aah-ing at various things, and also a story about how buying taffy for a stranger at the fair is one of the strangest come-ons ever, but I have eight million emails to read.

So far Food In Cones (ice cream, roasted nuts) is actually defeating Food On Sticks. BUT NOT FOR LONG.

More butter than I've ever seen in one place before.